Little Misunderstanding - Part VII

I did a little research on the train south and found that the Senator’s wife came from an “old money” family from New England. She had never sought out the spotlight and was likely a “stay behind the scenes” wife by choice.

Of course she made the public appearances that any politicians’ wife needs to make. She was last seen with her husband at the Kennedy Center during some kind of tribute for an opera singer from Poland. All the “A-List” folks in the Washington social scene attended the after party. It took place at the Plaza Hotel on the outskirts of the beltway and was still going strong the following morning.

Alana Jamesway left the party after the meal, around 9:30 pm. Her husband, the Senator was one of the last to leave. He spent time with a number of socialites that night but it was rumored that the starlet Vicky Shulmer had his attention for most of the late night portion of the activities.

All of this info added an enhanced degree of speculative anxiety leading up to the confrontation that I was working towards on the steps of the Senator’s townhouse. When we arrived, I asked the camera crew to hold back at the sidewalk until I had a chance to have a few words with Ms. Jamesway.

“Ms. Jamesway, I’m a reporting from the NY Chronicle, I was wondering if you would be willing to answer a few questions for me regarding the recent accusations involving your husband?”

“I’m sorry sir, I really haven’t been paying much attention to all of this stuff, I’m not sure I could help you.”

“We’d like to know if you had any statement on either the allegations of misappropriation of funds or the rumors regarding Vicky Shulmer’s alleged relationship with your husband?” Might as well go for the gold with the first question.

Her face contorted quickly into an expression of both hurt and shock. I immediately regretted blurting out the question in the manner I just did.

“I will talk with you but, only off the record and no cameras…”

“Sure… I understand, I appreciate that…” I turned back to the camera crew and told them that they were to wait on the street. I then turned and followed the senator’s wife into their townhouse.

We walked down an elaborate hallway with some impressive artwork on both walls and a plush carpet underneath. She wound her way into the kitchen area and made a bee-line for the coffee machine on the counter. She offered me a cup (which I quickly accepted) and took a position at the breakfast nook on a stool. I took a seat opposite her on the counter.

She began “ I know nothing about the allegations that the commission has put forward… My husband keeps most of his professional life to himself and we don’t discuss this in any capacity. What is this about my husband and Ms Shulmer?”

“Well, we suspect he was in New York in her company over this past weekend. We know that they spent the night in the same hotel on Sunday and were both seen leaving the premises Monday morning. I can’t state that they left together but there are rumors to that effect.”

“I can’t comment on that. We have a good marriage and I completely trust my husband. I’m sure you are mistaken about this alleged relationship. There must be some misunderstanding”

Little Misunderstanding - Part VI

As it turned out the mystery man was our dear Senator. He had obviously duped us (and others) to think that he was heading off to work that morning. Instead he had circled back, reclaimed his friend (the starlet) and made a hasty retreat once our attention was turned elsewhere.

The question that was running through my mind was if there was any connection with the events that took place that day at the state legislature building and the supposed “robbery” that took place in the lobby of the hotel.

The two events combined to make a compelling distraction if that was truly their intent. Not being trained as barrister and having little knowledge in the trade of legal professionals, I was unsure whether such actions would constitute any type of criminal infraction.

The pace of the activities at the legislature building was calming down some. It seemed somewhat miraculously that there were no casualties and only some minor injuries due to the shootings. I decided to consult with some of the legal folks back at the station and offered up my theories as to the potential correlation of these events and the theorized purpose. I wanted to know if there was any kind of revelation what kinds of potential charges might be involved if the Senator was behind any of the diversionary tactics that took place.

The young female paralegal told me that there was definitely a potential for serious felony charges if the Senator was behind any effort involving firearms at a public gathering or the staging of a robbery to involve the reaction of public servants (police, fire, EMT, etc…)

Armed with this assessment, I asked our editor if I could be allowed to head down to Washington to do a remote outside of the Senator’s home or perhaps his office at the capital. I also asked them to alert me if there were any more proclamations involving the commissions’ findings regarding inappropriate behavior on behalf of this same Senator.

My editor wasn’t too pleased about having to foot the bill for travel down to the Washington but he agreed (after some coaxing) that I might have a closer, unique perspective to cover this potential story than the sister channels in the beltway.

I contacted my favorite camera guy and brought one other crew member to help with the gear transport and we were on the train within the hour heading south to the nation’s Capital. Thanks to our modern smartphone technology, I was able to keep in contact with the major news outlets as we were traveling to Washington that evening. It was revealed in that time frame that the Senator was currently unavailable for comment (surprise, surprise) and that his wife was not speaking to the press despite several attempts to reach her for comment.

The entertainment news coverage was sketchy as well. The starlet’s manager stated only that she was still preparing for upcoming role in a feature length move that was planned for shooting in the spring over in France. He admitted that she was in New York this past weekend but didn’t divulge any details as to where/who/what she was involved with while in town.

The starlet’s career was seeing somewhat of a revival in getting press coverage. She might be the only person involved in this mess that might actually be benefiting from the occurrences of the last twenty-four hours.

Little Misunderstanding - Part V

The next few minutes were pretty intense by anyone’s account. It seems that there was activity all around me. The sniper fire was coming from several points on the horizon but didn’t seem to be accomplishing much other than keeping all of the security folks pinned down and the press scrambling for cover. The shots seemed random in their source and target.
Across town, the camera crew I had left there had captured a hasty exit by the starlet with her mystery man. They were in the process of uploading the film to the studio for editing and potential inclusion in the nightly news broadcast within the entertainment segment of the programming.
The crew had uploaded the film segment blindly without actually viewing what they captured themselves. If they had, they might have recognized that the man that was accompanying the starlet had the look and countenance of our senator.
The two of them had managed to reach the limo that the starlet had arranged for and was headed off to points unknown.
The sniper fire stopped back at the legislature as suddenly as it started. We all remained hidden behind post or pillar for a few more minutes before we had the assurance in our minds that it was safe to do so. The security folks pulled out all their radios and I could tell by the sounds of the approaching sirens that emergency responders would soon be arriving. I got the crew mobilized and we started a live feed to report on the shooting.
“This is a live feed from the state legislature building. We have just been the victims of some random shooting from what appears to be several snipers working in consort. It is unclear as to their motives and it’s also unknown as to how many injuries or casualties were incurred as a result of these actions.” I droned into the waiting cameras maw.
“More details will be forthcoming as we learn more of the results of these actions.” We sent that along while I then turned my attention back to the folks we left at the hotel. I had the sinking feeling that there was more to meet the eye with the goings on at that location.
Boswell said that it didn’t seem like there was much of a robbery in the lobby but that the crew thought that there was really something strange about the back door exit of the starlet and the mystery man. Not sure but it seemed that the limo that they got into on the outskirts of the hotel parking lot had federal government plates on it. This is part of the feedback they got from the footage that they captured and had already relayed back to the station.
Our affiliate back in Virginia / Washington DC area had sent a crew to the Senator’s townhouse looking to et some kind of statement from his wife who had, thus far, remained silent on these recent events. Of course we were all hoping that stance would change now.

Happy Holidays All!

It’s that holiday time again!!

Holiday seasons are steeped with traditions within each family and hold a dear place in all our hearts.

I’ve found that the holiday season comes to mean different things to us as we rumble through the years.

As a youngster, the holidays are a time of receiving presents, pretty lights, receiving presents, a lot of laughter, receiving presents, family time, receiving presents, lots of candy and receiving presents.

As we get older and the presents go from toys to more practical things, the holidays slowly begin to take on a new meaning. It’s time to have fun, party, and take a break from our work day lives.

As we start our own families and have children of our own, we get to see the holidays anew through the eyes of our kids. In this period, the holidays take on a fresh look, new meaning, and a chance to form our own traditions.

As our children grow and move away from our homes, the holiday season becomes a time of renewal, an opportunity to reconnect with family and friends. Often times, it seems we start new traditions in this timeframe based on the new look and activities that we embrace during this time of year.

As we get older still, the traditions morph, unfortunately the number of family we have left to visit and exchange well wishes with becomes fewer. During this stage of life, the holiday season remains a time to reach out and count our blessings. Reflect on seasons/years past and again, change or develop new traditions. The time honored media shows and activities become more a chance to reconnect with our past. The stories and music seem to become even more precious and the family and friends that you do share these times with are ever more dear.

In short, it seems (to me) that as the years go by, the holidays become less about exchanging gifts and partying and more about reflection and letting those that are dear to you know that you are thinking about them. Letting them know how important your relationship with them is (to you) and to honor the loved ones that are no longer with us.

Happy holidays all!!!

Little Misunderstanding - Part IV

Strangeness did ensue.

First thing that broke was that the scene back at the hotel began to heat up in a major way. The camera crew spotted the starlet leaving the hotel from the rear entrance accompanied by a man who looked like a disheveled homeless dude. The aspect of his appearance that looked severely out of place was the fact that he wore a pair of nicely polished.

In the front of the hotel where Boswell was walking down the street towards the entrance became suddenly awash with a lot of commotion. It seemed that the police presence was precipitated by a scuffle between hotel staff and some of the crew members from one of our rival TV networks. Since Boswell knew several of the combatants, his attention was focused (at least initially) with trying to ascertain the cause of the confrontation. He overheard the hotel staff loudly proclaiming that there was a theft of some sort.

The hotel staff was pleading their case with the city cops while the camera crew was attempting to get in contact with some management folks back at the news central studio. While the rest of our crew were calling out to Boswell (and fortunately for me, capturing all of the starlet’s exit with the mystery man on film) from the rear of the hotel, Bill finally figured out that the display in the lobby could very well have been a smoke screen to allow the starlet easy exit.

I learned all of the above about ½ hour after it had occurred. The reason for the delay was that the scene at the courthouse became every bit as intense as the events back at the hotel were.

The spokesperson for the commission was making another proclamation about our dear senator when a cry went out from the edge of the crowd and gun fire could be heard over the whine and shrieks of the crowd. It appeared that there was a sniper picking off individuals that were standing close to the stage. It appeared (at least from my vantage point) that the shots were striking the security staff around the stage and not aimed at the persons on the stage (the commission members or the spokesperson at the podium).

I shouted out to the crew who were now laying on the ground that we needed to get the cameras going. They ignored me and continued to lay on the ground which was pretty much what I was doing so I couldn’t really blame them. My mind was dealing with three things at that point:

1. How not to get killed?
2. How do I explain why we didn’t get any footage of the sniper or the commission announcements?
3. Does the sniper, the robbery at the hotel and the exit of the starlet with the mystery man at the rear of the hotel have any connection with one another?

Pretty much in that order…

Little Misunderstanding - Part III

Well, that certainly sounded plausible but I was still a tad puzzled by both the revelation of this added wrinkle to the scandal that I was currently trying to cover along with the way the news was reaching my ears. Why was this hotel employee so keen on revealing this information and why was it coming at this point in time?
On the surface it appeared that this was an almost miraculously fortuitous set of coincidences. My spidey sense was tingling on this though and I wasn’t immediately willing to jump on this tangential stream of evidence in total deference to the original story that I had come to this locale to cover. Still it was just juicy enough that I didn’t want to ignore it completely.
I decided to try to hedge my bet. I took down the information that the staff member was all too willing to give up. I tipped him a twenty-dollar bill for his trouble and then turned that portion of the story over to my intern, Bill Boswell to shake down.
He circled around to the rear of the hotel and waited for this starlet to appear with a small camera crew in tow. I headed downtown to the state legislature’s building campus to cover further disclosure from the commission. I told Boswell if any of this panned out to call my cell and keep me posted.
Once I arrived at the press room of the main lobby of the Senate building, I encountered the usual swamp of press corps that were all jockeying around trying to joust for position around the flunky that they had sent out to greet the press around the commission’s findings.
Our senator was nowhere to be seen. My sources were covering the airports and train terminals to see if he were simply going to leave town and where he might be headed if that was indeed his intention. I also asked around the senator’s office staff to see if there was any change to his posted itinerary since this morning’s news story broke.
His office staff was relaying only that no changes to the posted itinerary were made. The senator was going to be returning home in the next day to spend the holiday with his family. The allegations were false and all was right with the world…
I hadn’t heard from Boswell in the last hour so I rang him up and asked if there was any spotting of the actress or any other happenings of note going on back at the hotel. He said that he hadn’t seen hide nor hair of the starlet but that he though there might be something happening in the front of the hotel as there seemed to be some police cars arriving. I told him to check that out and get back to me if it looked like there was anything related to our story or the senator.
He said he would do just that and was instructing the camera crew to retain a vigil at the rear vantage point in the meantime. I concurred that this sounded like a good plan of attack.
It seemed that the only thing to do was to sit tight and see if any strangeness was going to ensue.

Little Misunderstanding - Part II

The senator spoke quickly but calmly. “I’d first like to say that I’m very grateful for the friends and family that I have and that they have continued to stand by me in this time of trial. The accusations that are being thrown around are entirely, irrevocably false, hurtful and politically motivated. I’m sure that once the facts are completely examined that my innocence will be obvious to all.
It has saddened me to see how many organizations and new sources have blindly accepted these accusations as fact and reported as such. They are the ones who will be embarrassed when these actions are proven to be motivated by only the basest of human emotions.
I hope that all of you will continue to pay attention closely to the accusers in this affair and you will see that their motivation is obvious. Their intent is to drive a stake through the heart of all that I have strived to build in the name of good and for the benefit of my constituents.
I have nothing further to say on this matter at this time.
Thank you.”
He then took a path that (coupled with the security folk in close proximity) made a very quick path through the balance of my crew and past the crowd that had gathered in the street outside of the hotel.
A limousine cruised up as if on queue when he reached the street and he climbed in with no resistance from the crowd and was off to points unknown.
I spent the next twenty minutes in the lobby (much to the chagrin of the hotel staff) putting together some clips to act as synopsis and also some teaser clips for the lead-ins for both the six o’clock and eleven o’clock news shows.
We then packed up the gear and were making our departure when I was pulled aside by the one of the hotel security staff. He said “Hey, do you want some juicy gossip?”
“Only if I can substantiate it with some facts… Gossip is dangerous in my line of work.”
“The senator’s girl friend is still here. She’ll be coming down in a few minutes.”
“The senator’s girl friend…?” The senator, as we all knew, was married to the most prominent of families in New England. He had gained a tremendous amount of political clout by first gaining the support of the family’s patriarch and then by also marrying into money. That old blue blood type of money was the best in these very conservative political times.
“Okay, say I’m interested. Does this girlfriend have a name…?
“Oh yeah, I’m sure you’ve heard of Melissa Garrett.”
“Melissa Garrett the pop star?”
“The very one. She checked in last night which is why our good senator spent the night in this establishment. Why do you think he was in town this close to the holiday without the wife in tow?”

Little Misunderstanding - Part I

“There appears to be a bit of a misunderstanding here...” said the hotel clerk. Surveying the chaos in the hotel lobby right then, I would have thought this a bit of an understated acknowledgement of the obvious.

The once opulent décor that consisted of plush couches and chairs sitting atop fine Indian rugs looked more like a setting up of the MIT Flea Market. There was electronic gear, some in hard shell cases, some laying atop hastily thrown tarpaulins. There were two dozen crew members that were continuing to add to the pile of gear in the center of the room and cameras already situated on tri pods that were already filming activities. This melee was added to by the growing number of onlookers and passersby that were growing on the fringe of the lobby and staring into the hotel from the street outside.

“So where were we?” he continues…. My, this guy is just chuck full of insightful questioning.

I said “We’re here with our crew to interview Senator McGhee. We understand that he’s preparing to make a statement regarding the findings of the Commission looking into his financial involvement with the war in the Middle East…”

“The Senator is not registered in this hotel. You have the wrong location.”

“I don’t think so… We filmed him scooting in here after the Commission went live with their report twenty-five minutes ago.”

“I’m afraid you must be mistaken.”

“Would you like me to show you the footage…?”

“All I can say is that you are disrupting our business and you’ll have to leave. If you aren’t packing up in five minutes, I’ll have to call the police.”

“Getting the authorities in here will only add to your headaches.” I was going to have to call his bluff. I was scooped by Channel 4 last week with the Anderson trial; I wasn’t going to lose the initiative today.

I was spared prolonging this stand off by the appearance of the Senator at the top of the stairs. He made his way down to the lobby level very slowly. Almost like a cowboy walking into the town square for the shoot out at high noon. I almost heard his spurs jingling as he took each lower step.

“Senator, would you care to comment on the commission’s report? We’re told that a subpoena is imminent. Have you anything to say to the voting public?”

The little hotel manager dude who was blocking our access quietly dissolved into the background once the Senator was spotted.

I checked quickly over my shoulder to see if the camera folks were in place and filming the encounter before proceeding… “Senator McGhee, the commission states that you received some pretty hefty kickback of tax dollars in the war effort. Were they mistaken in this assertion?”

The Senator smiled which I thought at least acknowledged the question.

As he approached the bottom of the stair case, some security folks converged on the area quickly clearing a small area around the foot of the stairs.

Our crew provided a microphone stand seemingly out of the air and passed it through the crowd to the senator then willingly approached the microphone stand and began to address the press and the crowd.

Well - Part XIX

Christmas in the loony bin. I felt so bad for Cheryl having to spend the holidays in a hospital. I stopped by Christmas morning to see her. They had her on so much medication, she never knew I was there (I don’t believe). She was spending her holiday on Thorazine island. Which probably isn’t the worse place in the world to spend a holiday. I stayed about an hour and watched her sleep.

In that time, I pondered my current dilemma. I was beginning to get the impression that Cheryl’s condition might be a much longer term. I loved her dearly and was praying daily that there would be some turn of events there that would give me some hope that she might return to some semblance of her former self.

Jennifer and I were going to have to maintain some degree of a relationship for the rest of our lives. After all, we will always have the child as a connection. I didn’t really see any true loving relationship with her though. She didn’t seem to want any such relationship with me either. We were both going to do “the right thing” whatever the heck that means.

My goals were radically changing. I knew in sitting there beside Cheryl’s bed in the state sanitarium that what I was really sifting through my life for was some degree of focus and direction, heck aren’t we all?

The job I had garnered within food service was blissfully mindless. I could spend my hours in there pretty much going through the motions and performing my duties in some degree of efficiency. It unfortunately was a task borne of duty and necessity, I wanted more.

I put together a few short-term goals while holding Cheryl’s hand that morning. Maybe they could be called “new year’s resolutions”. I decided that I wanted to go back to school and try to figure a few things out. Not having any money was definitely going to limit this desire some but, I thought perhaps I could look into some financial aid and perhaps go to school nights or online.

I also decided that I wanted to travel some. I was bored to tears with the Northeast of the US and wanted to see (at least) the rest of the country and perhaps, at some point, go abroad.

Well - Part XXVIII

I finally managed to get a job offer. It certainly wasn’t anything that I was crazy about but at this stage of the game, I needed gainful employment and any notion of pride or career was going to have to be put on the back burner.

The position was as a food service person in a local hospital. I assisted in the preparation of and delivery of meals to the patients who had the misfortune of being ill and in this institution. I was grateful for the job and the money. In perhaps a month or two, I could perhaps find a cheap apartment. In time, I hoped that I could perhaps even contribute to Jennifer’s medical expenses. I was about to become a dad.

I finally got a chance to visit Cheryl. It was so sad it broke my heart. She was technically and physically sound but the woman I loved (I think still…) was somewhere in a pretty stiff medicated haze. She barely acknowledged my presence in the room let alone acknowledging any recognition of who I was.

I brought some flowers and said that I would check back before Xmas. Her family thanked me and I took my leave.

My next stop during that weekend was to check in with Jennifer. Jennifer’s family were a bit of an enigma. Her parents divorced about seven years ago. Her dad was a successful business man who seemed to like to keep most people including his family at arm’s length. Her Mom was a lovely woman who was brought up in the strictest New England traditions. She was a devout Catholic who was certainly affected greatly by her divorce. She seemed to have a real hard time acclimated to life as a single woman. She had a tendency to continue to live in denial of that aspect of her life. She spoke, acted and expected her family including her husband to be at the dinner table during all meals.

Jennifer was a little worried about her Mom. I hadn’t had much exposure to her family and thought I should at least make an appearance during this holiday. I told Jen that I would accompany her for Christmas Eve at her Mom’s house.

I still hadn’t resolved in my head (and heart) what my involvement was going to be with Jennifer in the immediate future and beyond.

My first paychecks were spent almost entirely on back bills. It was going to have to be a pretty bare bones holiday season. I had to get some new clothes. I didn’t want to show up at Jennifer’s Mom’ house looking like a street urchin (or a food service worker).

That night went better than I had envisioned it going. We managed to avoid most of the truly awkward questions about any future for Jennifer and I. There was some talk about the baby and how “next Christmas” was going to be different with another “little one” in the house again.

Jen’s mom asked me about my family and what my plans for the rest of the holiday were. I told her that I was likely going to be eating Christmas dinner with my sister’s family (although, truthfully, I hadn’t even worked that out. I knew my sister wouldn’t turn me out but our relations were somewhat strained of late). The evening featured a very nice meal and I hoped I made a decent impression.

Time is tough

As time goes on, we are left with less time.
It trickles away like the proverbial sands in the hour glass.
We can't really save time nor can we pass time or control time in any way.

It just goes.

Our relationship with time is as a surfer and the waves on the ocean.
All we can do is try to ride it out.

Snow Falls

The snow is falling.
Rolling,
Tumbling,
Cold
and Wet.
It forms a blanket of white cement
The roads are under there…somewhere
The snow is falling.

Well - Part XXVII

Over the next couple of weeks, my daily routine was:

1. Arise, shower, shave, and prepare for the day.
2. Go to coffee shop, scan papers, make calls to prospective employers and send resumes.
3. Go home, take nap, await call that doesn’t come
4. Eat something.
5. Sleep more
6. Awake depressed, rinse and repeat

The interviews I did garner were lackluster to say the least. The opportunities didn’t interest me very much and I’m sure that came across in the interviews. I didn’t get any call backs and only one “second interview” (by phone) in that time frame.

I started to collect some unemployment checks and that was different hassle that I won’t go into much here but the money sure helped.

I maintained contact with both Cheryl and Jennifer during this time but, neither of them knew of my relationship with another. I felt more horrible about this as time went on. Jen was still being wonderful as far as letting me be as involved as I wanted to be. I wanted to help pay for the medical expenses that she was going to incur but the prerequisite for that was getting gainful employment.

Cheryl was recovering (according to her doctors). I still hadn’t seen her yet since the suicide attempt. I was told through her dad mostly that she was being kept pretty drugged up. I still longed to at least try and reconnect (again) although I had no idea where this relationship could really go. I guess I realized to a large extent this was going to have to hinge on her mental state improving.

The town had a ceremony honoring Cheryl’s brother and a special service on Veteran’s day a few weeks later. I attended out of respect and exchanged polite well wishes with the rest of her family attending the services. Cheryl, of course, was still sequestered in the hospital. Everyone tip toed around the subject of her brother’s death when in the company of Cheryl. So much so that I wasn’t sure how she was ever going to come to grips with the tragedy.

The approaching holidays were going to cause me to make some pretty interesting decisions. Jennifer asked what I was doing as did my sister and Cheryl’s dad. The decision was mine. I just didn’t know if I was going to cull a direction out of this decision or even if I had to.

Well - Part XXVI

Sooner or later, every depression or pocket of trouble reaches a point where you are just sick of being depressed and commit yourself to some happiness (someway or anyhow..)

I hit that point the following Monday morning. I decided that it was probably a blessing that I was laid off of a job that was undoubtedly a “dead end” providing me with no real future. The timing wasn’t impeccable but these things never are.

I left the apartment that morning and decided to peruse the morning papers in a comfortable neighborhood coffee shop. I purchased the NY Times and the Post and started scanning the want ads. I also left notice back to my sister to save me some area papers in that city as well. I hadn’t quite decided where I was going to land here but wanted to take all avenues into consideration.

I checked in with Cheryl’s family and her condition appeared to be getting better. It seems that she will be spending some time under observation but she was responding well to the anti-depressants that they had prescribed to her. I told her Dad that I would definitely be back in the area the next weekend and would stop by.

Jennifer has been pretty great considering. We had a couple of conversations now and she basically is willing to let me be as involved in the parenting experience as I want to be. She wasn’t looking for any money right now (which was really good as I was pretty much in Dutch with all my creditors and the bank accounts were dwindling fast.

I have a lot of mixed emotions as to what I want out of the near term. My priorities seemed to be pretty clear. I needed to nail down some gainful employment. I needed to come clean with both Jennifer and (more importantly) with Cheryl.

Cheryl’s condition makes that a skittish situation to say the least. I was fearful given the small town environment, that word was going to get to her at some point through some other means. I didn’t want to wait too long but this was definitely going to be a tough subject to broach with her.

I talked over my monetary situation with my landlord and decided the easiest thing to do was to use the balance of my meager savings to break the lease. I couldn’t afford the apartment without a job. I had enough left to buy a storage facility in Danbury and began to plan migrating my belonging to storage until I could get my feet under me again. My sister agreed to let me bunk there for some time beginning the next month.

All that was left was to say goodbye to the few city friends I had. There were several powerful forces that were conspiring to place me back in my hometown area. I was of the mindset to accept this. There were more reasons to go home then there were to stay in the city.

Well - Part XXV

Irony.

What a ridiculous mess I’ve made of my life with my actions. It felt, for a time, that I was finally getting my life in order. I had connected with someone. Really connected with someone. I cared for her and her for me. To top that off, this was almost a dream come true as the object of my affection was the first girl I ever remember being attracted to in high school.

I was infatuated with her for years and as my high school years began to fade in my memory, she reappeared in my life and we really did hit it off. I had met her family and had really become a part of her life. She was everything that I thought I was looking for in a woman.

Then… or actually just before then…

I did something that was totally out of character for me. I was in need for some companionship and had fallen into the arms of an angel of mercy for that one night. It was never intended to be anything more than two folks helping each other through a difficult night. I was supposed to be seeing my old high school sweetheart but, instead, I wound up with a sweet girl who took pity on me for that evening. Now, that evening is looking like it will change (did change) both of our lives forever.

I had no argument with Jennifer on wanting to have the baby. I had no idea (we just didn’t get a chance to talk through much of it) what that meant fully. We committed to speak again the next day. We decided to meet for lunch at the mall. A nice casual, non-threatening stage to discuss further what our immediate future plans might/should be.

In the meantime, the love of my life, was attempting to recover from a severe emotional blow with the death of her sibling. She was so disturbed, it appears, that she attempted suicide. Where does that leave me…?

This is beginning to sound like some obscenely protracted soap opera. “As the stomach turns…” Geez.

Just when I thought things couldn’t possibly get any worse, I got the phone call that I was being laid off from my job. I thought I was on rock bottom and someone just shifted some of the rocks.

Well - Part XXIV

I finally had to break the mood. “So, Jennifer, how have you been…?”

“Pregnant.”

“Uh huh, I see that… why didn’t you call me?”

“I didn’t have a number.”

“Right.” This was not going to be an easy conversation. I wasn’t even going to ask her if the baby was mine. I’m assuming that would be in really bad form.

“We should talk.” I finally stammered out.

“I’m going on break in about a half hour, you think you can hang around that long…?”

Oh geez, she’s pissed. “Yeah, sure… I’ll be right here.

When we were finally able to get some time to talk, Jennifer had calmed down.

“I’m only upset at myself. At first I couldn’t believe my dumb luck. As time past though, I’ve kind of resolved myself to the task. Things happen for a reason and I think we were supposed to bring this life into the world.”

Hmmm. Not exactly the viewpoint that I was expecting. I was still trying to wrap my head around this turn of events. I was thinking about Jennifer, Cheryl, fatherhood, my future was never more littered with options, problems, and potential for screwing up.

We talked for perhaps a half hour. It seems she had already made up her mind on what she was going to do. I committed to helping (although I didn’t quite know how much help I could be). We didn’t really broach the subject of any kind of ongoing relationship.

I absolutely dreaded the thought of trying to explain any of this to Cheryl.

I came to the Blind Squirrel looking for some solace from the problems that I thought were paramount in my life. I left there with a whole set of new problems and conflicts. None of them appeared to have any kind of viable resolution that could be had without breaking the hearts of someone I cared about.

Well - Part XXIII

I knew Cheryl was distraught but, I was stunned that she would have been so far gone as to attempt to take her own life. This had to be some kind of accident. Didn’t it?

I pretty much had to take my queues in this from her family. I didn’t have much of a point of reference here. Her family was now a complete emotional mess. They had just buried her brother and now Cheryl, who appeared to be the rock everyone was leaning on through the first loss, had seemingly succumbed to the stress of the recent events.

I learned, after about an hour of waiting, that she was going to be all right (physically). The medical doctors were now taking a back seat to the psychiatrist and social workers that have become part of this “case.” I was wrestling with my own guilt feelings that perhaps I should have seen signs or been more supportive or something.

Her parents were very appreciative of my presence but they had a lot of stuff going on now too. I was going to have to work out whatever I was feeling with on my own.

Despite hanging around for over two and half hours, I never did get in to see her that evening. Her parents eventually were allowed to go in but she was under heavy sedation and all they were really able to do was to hold her hand and sit with her quietly.

I headed back out into the autumn night air and was feeling pretty much like I didn’t want to be alone that evening. I drove around the city for awhile before lighting onto the idea of hitting my old favorite watering hole, the Blind Squirrel.

The place appeared as it always seemed to appear in my mind’s eye but when I went inside, I was almost immediately taken by a change that was all too obvious… and also troubling (to say the least).

My old friend Jennifer was tending bar that evening (which wasn’t surprising) but, what startled me was that her appearance betrayed that she was “with child.” The possibility that she was pregnant with my baby was not lost on me. I did some mental arithmetic and decided it had been about three months since our little one-night tête-à-tête. I was half tempted to turn on my heels and leave but the shock of this revelation left me unable to move either towards the bar or away from it.

With no other recourse but to confront the situation, I walked towards the bar and took a stool in the corner. Jennifer hadn’t seen me yet and I was trying to think of something witty to say, something that might diffuse the situation a little but, when she approached me and the realization wiped across her face, the only thing that came out of my mouth was “could I get a shot of Glenlivet and a Saranac Pale Ale chaser please?”

When she returned to my perch at the bar with my order, there was an incredible amount of uncomfortable silence that hung in the air between us.

Well - Part XXII

The next few days were rough to say the least. The powerful combination of hearing about the positive news of the war and the personally tragic events that took Cheryl’s brother’s life caused a powerful combination of emotions within Cheryl’s family.

Her father was angry and made no air to conceal that fact. The circumstances around his son’s death were going to get investigated; he was going to sue every congressman and the president himself to get restitution for the loss of his son’s life. Knowing that his death was accidental and caused by a member of his own unit’s added to this anger and confusion.

There are never any “right words” for these awful situations. No words that would have any magic healing effects can be conjured up. The only thing anyone can do in this kind of circumstances is to be there, be supportive and to listen. This is exactly all I did for the next four days. I actually commuted back and forth from the city to Danbury during the next few working days to be around and to comfort Cheryl.

The memorial service was a typical military honorarium. The family received the folded flag that would be placed on some mantle somewhere. Following the service was the usual gathering of friends and family in a communal meal before all of the attendees were to depart back to their separate lives.

In the weeks that followed the funeral, Cheryl seemed depressed to the point of distraction. I didn’t get the feeling that they were as close as it appears they must have been given her reaction to his death.

I wanted very much to help her and her family but couldn’t find any meaningful way of accomplishing this. About a month later, I got a call from her Dad telling me that Cheryl was in the hospital and that I should probably come up as soon as I could. I was absolutely beside myself with fear at this news. I tried to get some news as to what was going on from her dad but, I got very few details other than that she seemed stable at the moment.

When I arrived at the hospital, some of my questions were answered almost immediately. When I asked at the nurse’s station where her room was, I was told that I couldn’t go in there right now as the psychiatrist was still in there with her and would need at least another half hour before visitors were going to be allowed back in to see her.

Well - Part XXI

I arrived in Danbury around 3:30 in the afternoon. I knew Cheryl’s classes wrapped up around that time but it would likely be another hour before she would be returning to her apartment.

My plan (if I truly had one) was to buy some flowers and be waiting in the parking lot of her condominium complex when she returned home. I stopped off at a florist and selected a dozen roses and had them wrapped and sitting on the passenger seat of my car when I pulled into her complex. I figured that I was at least a half hour early but, I wanted to be in position and leave no chance of missing the full effect of my element of surprise.

As fate would have it though, it was I who was surprised.

When I pulled into the area around her building, I noticed that her car was already there. That was odd, I wondered inwardly if she had taken ill and had left early for the day. I figured that I had missed my surprise in the parking lot but, accepted that, scooped up my bouquet of flowers and entered her building almost skipping through the lobby to the elevator.

When I knocked at her door, I was surprised that an older man answered it and stood in the hallway looking quizzically at me standing there flat footed with my flowers in hand.

The man was Cheryl’s dad (I had never met him before) as this was being explained to me, I also met two of Cheryl’s cousins, her great aunt and two uncles. It was then that I heard the news about Cheryl’s brother being killed.

I almost wanted to hide the flowers but, that awkwardness passed. The room was full of nothing by sorrow and despair (her great aunt seemed to want to do nothing more than wail on the couch over and over).

I immediately felt like a cad with my flowers and thoughts of carnal pursuits. Cheryl introduced me as “her boyfriend” (I was an official boyfriend) and an ex-classmate at Danbury High. Her family acknowledged me but obviously had a lot on their minds. I decided quite quickly that it probably would be best if I let them be and I had every intention of doing just that if not for the imploring gaze I received from Cheryl when I mentioned that I vocalized just that.

“Please Jim, stay with me for awhile. I don’t want to be alone.” I didn’t have the heart to point out that she was anything but alone be surrounded by that much family in a relatively small condominium. I was also privately thrilled that she asked me to stay.

I had never known Cheryl’s brother. He was a couple of grades behind us in High School and I rarely traveled outside of my small circle of friends anyway. I felt horrible for Cheryl. The fact that they already knew that he died from “friendly fire” added even more tragedy to this event.

As the evening passed, more family showed up. It seemed Cheryl had what became to be the family headquarters for this tragedy. Just before mid-night, the last of the family left and I offered to Cheryl that we step out for some coffee and a distraction.

Well - Part XX

I’m a little slow on the uptake sometimes. It took me nearly a dozen years after graduation to actually approach a woman who I had known nearly all my life and even then, a half dozen dates later, we actually kissed. That night, there was no more waiting.

We spent the night together (I never did call my sister) and in the morning, after awakening and another bout of lovemaking, I never wanted to leave her bedroom. The morning eventually wore on and we reluctantly broke our embrace and rose to face the day.

Cheryl prepared a great breakfast, we chatted some more and then she brought me over to the train station. I didn’t want to leave but our lives were calling. She had schoolwork to grade and I had to get back to the city to prepare for the coming week.

As we moved through these tasks, I felt like I was walking on air. The previous weeks were so wonderfully “out of place” in my normally mundane doldrums of an existence. Life felt like it was done handing me lemons and it was time for some good fortune.

We proceeded with daily calls both in the morning and in the evening. She remained on my mind throughout my days and I literally ached for her embrace during the times we were apart.

That week, I cut a deal with my employer to work late a few nights in exchange for a half day off on Friday. I wanted to surprise Cheryl by coming up early on Friday night. Unlike the previous times that I had planned for the trip north, I didn’t call my sister. I had no intentions of seeing anyone but Cheryl.

When I spoke with her on Thursday night I was bursting at the seams to tell Cheryl that I was coming up the following afternoon but I held off. We talked about what was going on in each other’s jobs, we talked about things that were in the news, new movies coming out and books that we ewre reading or planning on reading. Cheryl being a teacher always was on the look out for new material that she could use within her classroom.

That night our nation’s troops drove the last of the Russian regiment back out of Alaska (and across the Bering Strait). The UN General Council was calling for a cessation of fighting between the two countries and it appeared a cease-fire was eminent.

It was also that night that Cheryl’s brother was killed by friendly fire.

Well - Part XIX

The kiss had the effect of killing my story in mid sentence. It also awoke within me a floodgate of feelings. Maybe I was actually suppressing my desire for this woman who was still “protected” by my notion of her being unattainable from our high school years.

It wasn’t a really passionate kiss but it seemed to signal a change in our relationship. I toyed with the notion of changing our destination from the Green Bo Restaurant to my apartment but, squelched that notion internally.

We had a nice meal. We ordered (at my behest) yellow fish with dried seaweed and rice cakes. I continued throughout the meal to try and read in Cheryl’s eyes any clue as to what her expectations were for the remainder of our day together. The original plan was to have her back on the road by 7:00pm to head north out of the city.

I did a mental tour of my apartment and decided that I didn’t really want us to head over there anyway. I decided that perhaps I drive up with her, stay with sister and have them take to a train in Brewster for the trip back to the city. I casually (or as casually as I could muster) brought up this notion and was very encouraged with Cheryl’s positive reaction.

We decided to head back to where her car was parked and go directly north earlier than we had planned. I said that I could call my sister once we got up to Danbury.

The ride north was a blur in my memory. I know that there was a number of conflicting emotions and fears that ruled my thoughts during the two-hour drive. I tried to relax thinking that it was best not to push or have any kind of expectation at all but, that was a foolish notion. I had already envisioned a number of move scene scenarios that had us falling into bed having passionate sex for hours (in various rooms throughout her apartment). I had to keep reminding myself that this was crazy and wanted to continue with our current slow pace for fear of ruining the really comfortable relationship we had.

If this was going to happen, it would happen as an extension of the closeness we had garnered over the previous weeks. I didn’t want to try and force anything despite the fact that since the kiss, I was lusting after this woman more so than I ever lusted after anyone in my life.

When we arrived, Cheryl asked if I wanted any coffee. I really didn’t but it seemed to be a good move to answer in the positive. While she moved into the kitchen area to prepare the brew, I called my sister to inquire about the change in plans. Unfortunately no one was home at her house (which didn’t upset me all that much) so I left a message and hung up.

We settled into the couch with the evening news on the tube. We comically clinked our coffee mugs before setting them down onto the coffee table. We hadn’t touched since our kiss (that Cheryl had instigated) in the cab earlier in the day.

“Cheryl, would you mind terribly if I kissed you right now…?”

“Jim, I’d mind terribly if you didn’t…”

A confession...

Bless me Father for I have sinned. It’s been approximately 30 years since my last confession.

I have endeavored to live a just life but I’ve not always been faithful to the laws of men or God.

I felt that God and I had a mutual understanding… a sort of “you do your thing, I’ll do mine.” Oh sure, I’ve had those instances where a quick prayer was almost an instinctual reaction but, for the most part, I’ve tried not to do any harm to anyone else

…and to perhaps attempt good when I could.

I have lusted after sins of the flesh. I have sought out material possessions and have not been as charitable as I could have been in my most productive and financially fruitful years.

I don’t know as if I did a stellar job honoring my mother and father.

I’ve pretty much thought of the Sabbath day as an extension of the weekend, a good day for cookouts and football.

Oh, and I’ve taken the name of God in vain a few hundred thousand times…

The other commandments are pretty safe from me though.

Well - Part XVIII

The ensuing several weeks passed with a brevity that indicated an air of familiarity and contentment. This was an amazing turn of events at least to me. I saw Cheryl three times in the next two weeks. Twice on weekends (once in the city and once in Danbury) and once, surprisingly, out on Long Island at the Nassau Coliseum. We saw one play, a movie and a concert by Lou Reed.

Each meeting was a joy (from my perspective) that rivaled anything that had transpired within my life over the previous ten years. I was certainly feeling blessed during these following two weeks.

As is often the case, when something like this is transpiring, all things seemingly unrelated seem to be going equally as well. My job seemed to be less of a chore, the other mundane items that everyone wrestles with were moving along with less than the usual amount of participation / frustration on my part.

Cheryl too seemed to relish the experiences. She often mentioned that the times between our meetings were “ok” and “nothing much happened” but, she was very animated when we were together often going into long diatribes on a variety of subjects. We would debate the events of the day. Talk about how much we liked this artist or that musician. Banter about the relative merits of the NY Daily News versus the NY Times.

We had yet to even kiss. It seems we were comfortable in all other aspects of our relationship but we assiduously avoided any overtures towards physical intimacy. For my part I was perfectly content with this. I simply enjoyed connecting with a friend whom I hadn’t even knew I had. We had many similar interests and views. The lack of any kind of romantic element only seemed weird if I thought about it. It was the only subject I was reluctant to bring up in our conversations.

On our fourth “date” we chose to head down to the South Street Seaport in the city. Cheryl seemed to be gathering a comfort level with coming down and spending time in the city. We were just going to do some shopping. The holidays were coming so this seemed like this had some practical aspects to it. I had plans to steer us up into Chinatown later in the afternoon for an early dinner.
After we had gathered a number of packages each, it seemed prudent to take a cab rather than walk through Chinatown with the bags and one bulky box that contained a coffee grinder that I had latched onto as a gift for my sister from one of the specialty stores. During the cab ride uptown, we had placed the packages on the far end of the cab and were seated closely together on the bench seat. I was regaling Cheryl with a story regarding my office mates when she leaned into me and kissed me.

Well - Part XVII

Life is best looked at as a continual series of improvisations. I think the folks that view themselves as “planners” are kidding themselves. The best-laid plans of mice and men… geez, I’m full of clichés today.

My night with Cheryl turned out to be wildly successful. Our conversation quickly became casual. There seemed to be little in the way of the usual first date posturing or awkwardness. The ease in which we were recounting past times that made up the interim between our high school days and the current time frame was almost unbelievable.

I couldn’t recall any times I’d spent with any other person that seemed to leave me with both a joy and a feeling of renewal. I felt driving home that evening that all things were possible and that life was truly something to be savored and most definitely enjoyed. Gone was the frustration and feeling of being put off by my job and society. Gone was the feeling that I was powerless to make any material shift in my own destiny. I knew innately that she felt the same. We parted in the parking lot of the original meeting place with a casual “I’ll call you later” and I knew that we both would follow up on those promises.

When I arrived home that night I was jazzed. I knew I couldn’t sleep but didn’t really want to brave the outside world. I compromised with a midnight snack of Kraft’s macaroni and cheese washed down by a few bottles of beer.

In the morning I had to bite down hard on the notion of calling Cheryl first thing in the morning. I waited all the way until 10:00 am.

“Hey Cheryl, it’s me.”

“I was hoping you’d call.” I was now doing handstands in my living room. Boyhood crush being acted on, dreams are possible, when you wish upon a star… Okay that’s maybe going a bit too far.

“So, what are you planning for this Sunday?” I asked.

“ Not much, just some housework, maybe grade some papers and try to get ahead of the week-ahead’s chores.”

“I see. Yeah, me too…nothing special. I might watch a little football.”

“Oh, I heard from Greg (Cheryl’s brother).”

“Oh, he’s doing okay?”

“Yeah, it seems the crisis is sort of ‘on hold’. It’s devolved into a large scale stare-down. They are all wondering who is going to blink first. He couldn’t tell me much other than to ‘not worry’ and all…”

“Well, that should be a big load off your mind…”

“It is. I was going just a little nuts. He’s the last family I have on the planet.”

“I understand. I’m really happy for you on that front.”

“Yep…”

“I was wondering if you were free Wednesday to maybe make a sojourn down to the city… I can get tickets to see “Wicked” on broadway. I knew I could because my co-worker Stan has an in with the theater there and he’s constantly flaunting it.

“That would be great. Except it’s a school night.”

“I understand. How about the weekend?”

“Friday is free right now.”

“I’ll have to inquire but, hopefully that’ll work with the Wicket show.”

“If not that, maybe something else.” Cartwheels again. She doesn’t even care what we are doing. I’ve made an impression.

“Okay great, we’ll figure something out. I’ll talk to you later.”

“Okay, fine… see ya.”

Well - Part XVI

Well the pre-arranged time finally arrived and I arrived at the restaurant 10 minutes early. I hadn’t really anticipated Cheryl being there but she was.

She looked great too.

Her shoulder length blond hair hung straight down and with the bangs framed her face giving her very much that “girl next door” home spun look. She wore a solid blue color peasant dress with a shawl. The combination made her appear a tad older than she was however the unassuming appearance seemed to work for her. As I entered the restaurant, she was seated in the waiting area near the hostess stand. I was please to see her face light up a bit when she noticed my entrance.

We had a very nice meal. Much to my surprise, there were very few moments when the conversation lagged and no really awkward silent moments during diner. If I hadn’t known otherwise, it felt like we were old friends that had just seen each other days ago rather than ex-classmates that hadn’t ever broken bread together and really hadn’t spoken much in the last dozen or so years.

As the meal was approaching its logical end, I was pressing my mind for a good “next step.” We hadn’t really discussed much other than the meal but, I was hoping the evening wasn’t going to end after the check came.

“So, what do you want to do now…?” Might as well hit the subject head on. I had built up some confidence in the previous hour’s casual feel to our conversation.

“Oh, I don’t know, I’m not to familiar with what’s around here.”

Good point I thought. Definitely a slight disadvantage when we chose a neutral meeting location. Neither of us were too familiar with the area.

“Well, how about we just drive around some and see if something of interest.” Geez, that was a lame come-on line. I prayed she forgave me my lack of good words.

“Okay. We can check out the malls and see if there are any movies that look good.” She said.

“Yeah, okay…sounds good.”

We left the restaurant and got into my clunker of a vehicle. I hoped she wasn’t going to hold my lack of a decent “ride” against me either. I’m so pathetic. I should just offer to bring her back to her car and call it a night, cut my losses. Hey, once you get caught up in something like this though, you might as well just see it through…

We drove out to the mall and walked around the mall. It was amazing to me that it didn’t feel at all awkward being with Cheryl in this situation. Every other time I spent with potential girl friends even on second, third or fourth dates, we never hit a feeling of casual ease as quickly as it seemed (at least to me) I had with Cheryl.

We did check out the movie listings. I was completely going to allow her to dictate any direction on that front. She, however, didn’t seem to charged up about any of the offerings at this theater. Instead, we opted to continue walking around the mall and talking about any number of other topics. We reminisced about our mutual by-gone days but, more improbably we seemed to focus on where we were within our own lives and even started to discuss individual dreams and aspirations for the future.

I carefully avoided any mention of current events as the news from the warfront was going to be a dicey topic given the fact that I knew Cheryl hadn’t heard any news of the current whereabouts or fate of her brother.

Well - Part XV

“Hi Jim… are you back in town for awhile?”

“No… I’m just visiting…” Again, I probably should have rehearsed or at least thought through some of what I wanted to say. “So, how was your week…?”

“Quiet…pretty much same old same old… You?” She asked.

“The same. Hey I just wanted to thank you for last Saturday. I had a really good time…”

“Oh yes, me too. Umm I don’t want you to think that I do that a lot…”

“Me neither… Actually that was pretty much the only time that anything like that happened for me…” This isn’t even sounding convincing to me… I loathe myself at this point.

“Well, I’ve gotta be getting back to work here… See you around…”

Her comment and posture as she spun on her heels had the semblance of finality.

“Yes… Have a good night, I’m going to be moving along…”

“See ya…”

With my conscience somewhat cleared, I drove out of the parking lot and headed south to White Plains. I checked into a relatively cheap hotel and slipped into a dreamless sleep.

In the morning, I took a walk around the area of my hotel looking for a suitable place for breakfast and perhaps a scan of the Sunday Times. One of my favorite pastimes is to have a leisurely breakfast over the Sunday paper.

I hadn’t really finalized a plan for the evening with Cheryl after the meeting at the steakhouse that was pre-arranged and agreed to. As I went through the paper, I checked out the listings for the local clubs and the movie listings. I decided if the subject came up, I could suggest one of the offerings at the local Cineplex.

I decided to save money and wound up having breakfast at a fast food place about two blocks from the hotel. When I got back to the hotel, I ironed a fresh shirt and showered.
I called Cheryl just to confirm that we were still on and then checked out of the hotel prepared for my date with my first love.

I was still somewhat in awe that we had reconnected after all these years and was very hopeful that this might actually lead to a longer term relationship. I had to at least give this a whirl otherwise I’d always wonder “What if?”

Well - Part XIV

Well, the rest of the week passed rather uneventfully. I continued to run through my mind the possibility of returning to Danbury the following weekend with the express purpose of hooking back up with Jennifer and “clearing the air” as it pertains to our fling last Saturday night.

I think it is human nature to want to avoid conflict. Therefore I really wanted to just shove the notion of needing to reconnect with Jennifer to assuage guilt feelings aside. The problem was, I couldn’t. My darn guilt feelings kept harkening back to that “morning after” and her being upset that I snuck out (even though it was just to bring back breakfast) and the cuddling we did with the bagels and coffee upon my return.

I thought she was a very nice young woman (with the emphasis on young) but that we truly didn’t have a lot in common. That internal dialog continued through the week and as we entered into Friday of that week, I hit upon the idea of a phone call. The problem there was that I didn’t even get her phone number.

Not able to dispel the notion of needing to talk with Jennifer, I decided that I would drive up to Danbury Friday night, go and see her at work and then head back to our “halfway” meeting place to see Cheryl for Saturday night. I made up my mind that I would just get a hotel rather than face the wrath of my sister. So with all of my plans firmed up I breezed through my work day and even cut out a tad early in order to beat the traffic heading north for the weekend.

The ride up was relatively uneventful and almost too soon, I was standing in the parking lot of the Blind Squirrel staring at the entranceway and wondering if this was all, truly, a good idea. Deciding that I had to see this through, I walked into the bar and glanced around but didn’t see Jennifer (or any bartender) at that point. I took a seat in the corner and decided to wait a bit.

Within five minutes, a male bartender came out from the back and briefly scanned the room. Seeing myself as a newcomer, he proceeded over and took my drink order. I asked him if Jennifer was working this evening. He said she was but she wasn’t coming on duty until 8:00 pm. Looks like I had a about an hour to kill. I resolved to drink slowly.

True to his word, Jennifer arrived in about 45 minutes, she breezed through the bar area and didn’t even see me sitting in the lounge area. She moved to the back room and apparently dispensed with her coat and purse and returned to the bar area within a few minutes. It was then I had that horrible feeling akin to calling someone on the phone without rehearsing what you were really going to say. The only saving grace in this instance is that she still hadn’t taken any notice of me. I even casually considered slipping out without confronting her at all.

When she apparently was “officially” on duty, I approached the bar and caught her eye.
“Hey Jen, how are you?”

The expression on her face seemed to indicate both surprise and embarrassment. Perhaps, she too, was feeling a little awkward about last weekend’s “hookup.”

Well - Part XIII

Cheryl told me then that she was still really upset about the uncertainty of the fate of her brother but was also very apologetic about not being able to get together when I was up in town this past weekend. I told her that I too, was disappointed but certainly understood given the circumstances.

She explained that she still hadn’t heard anything (regarding her brother) and that this was a constant worry for her. There wasn’t much to say on that topic for me. I assured her that if she needed to talk, she could call me anytime (and I sincerely hoped she would).

We tentatively set a date for next weekend to meet at a location half-way between the city and Danbury (neutral territory). I was very pleased with that turn of events. Unfortunately, the conversation then got onto “What did you wind up doing that night when you were in town after she cancelled the date?”

I didn’t have a lot of time to consider a response. The flood of events started streaming in my mind; the bar, the conversations with Jennifer and then of course the overnight with her. A feeling of dread an embarrassment came over me and I prayed that that sentiment wasn’t somehow going to be conveyed with my subsequent response.

“Oh, not much (I hated to lie to her at this very early stage of what I hoped would become a longer term relationship… but that is exactly what I then heard myself do) I went out and got something to eat and then just returned to my sister’s house. We caught up on family news and the like.”

The conversation petered out and I proceeded down to the platform and my commute back to the apartment.

While riding in the train, my thoughts strayed to Jennifer. I’m sure she recognized that our fling that evening was really just a good time and no emotional attachment but, her desire to “cuddle” the following the morning might have belied this notion.

I have a real problem with dealing with guilt feelings and I had an inkling that these particular guilt feelings involving Jennifer were really something I was going to have to resolve if I had any hopes of moving on with Cheryl. I considered calling Cheryl back and asking if we could move the date back to Danbury so that I could potentially try to reconnect with Jennifer just to bring closure to that relationship. I decided to do just that even though that meant that I was going to have to call my sister back and arrange for crashing there again. I was hoping that would result in a few more questions. I don’t think she was too keen on my behavior during last weekend’s visit.

Well - Part XII

I stayed with Jennifer that morning until she had to get ready to go back into work. I had to get my act together and head on back towards the city. I called my sister and got my lecture (I think she’s taken over for Mom now in being one of my primary sources of guilt). I returned to my sister’s house to pick up my things and then headed south to “hearth and home.”

My thoughts almost immediately strayed to Cheryl as I drove down the major interstate south. I was very disappointed that circumstances ran afoul of my opportunity to perhaps have my first real date with perhaps my first real love. I also was a tad embarrassed that I had sought out and actually consummated a “one night stand” with Jennifer. I wasn’t particularly proud of those actions but I couldn’t deny that it was something I surely was seeking that lonely night.

Last time I attempted to take a dip in the dating pool…back in the Pleistocene era, things seemed to be simpler. Now, there are more dangers. STDs can actually be fatal in this day and age. Beyond that there is so much technology involved in the dating scene. You can meet via the Internet, in a chat room, through some paid service that will assess compatibility characteristics. Meeting in a bar was almost passé anymore. Developing any kind of “opening line” strategy has now become embedded into programs and documented into any number of self-help books that could possibly fill several library shelves.

I think I have become the dinosaur here.

What ever happened to the enthusiastic, idealistic romantic that I was back in my high school days? Maybe the answer was that people never really do change and I wasn’t really as idealistic or a romantic as my memory seemed to suggest.

When I got back to my apartment on that Sunday night I took some time to actually clean up. Housework wasn’t something that I paid much attention to but it seemed like the thing to do in this instance. I might have been wanting for a distraction to take my mind off the being alone again in the city with nothing much going for me.

The workweek began with the usual pomp and circumstance. I went through “my morning routine” with all the relish of prisoner on death row taking the last mile walk. The workday was filled with no real challenges therefore no real problems and no real satisfaction that I had actually accomplished much when I punched out and was walking back to my subway stop. Before I actually started down the stairs to the platform for the ride back to my neighborhood, my cell phone rang.

The number wasn’t coming up with any hits in my contact list so I didn’t really know who was calling. I clicked the phone open and said: “Hello” in a resigned tone of voice. I wasn’t sure who would be on the other end so I was more than a tad surprised when I heard Cheryl’s voice.

"Hey Jim, how's it going?"

Well - Part XI

Well, following the news about the declaration of war, there was a somber tone in the bar. That same tone would continue throughout the balance of the day. About an hour before my date with Cheryl, I got a phone call on my cell.

“Hi.”

Cheryl called and told me that she wasn’t really feeling like going out that evening. I asked why and she explained that her brother was stationed in Juno and she was awaiting news as to his whereabouts (and obviously his well-being).

I understood but was still pretty disappointed. We agreed to a raincheck on the date and signed off the call. Since I now had the night free, I decided to go back to the “Blind Squirrel.” It seemed like a good idea at the time.

Once I got there the mood in the bar was a bit more jovial than that afternnon after the announcement about what was going on in Alaska. There were a few “good old boys” that were enjoying some billiards in the back room. There was a lively little dart game going on in the back, I found an empty bar stool and planted myself on it. After a short time, a pretty little barmaid approached me and asked for my drink order.

“I’ll have a Sam Adams.”

She brought the beer and then curtly spun on her heels and moved onto other matters of course.

Two or three more beers later, most of the folks had called it a night within the bar area and I struck up a conversation with the barmaid, Jennifer. Seems she had been tending bar in this establishment only a few weeks. I told her that I used to live here and regaled some tales of glories past.

I managed to get her to laugh at a few of my stories which only encouraged me to stay and drink more. All too soon it seemed we were looking at “closing time” and I asked her if she wanted to get some coffee (I was a little reluctant to call my sister at this late hour and didn’t want to necessarily show up there too drunk.

Much to my surprise she agreed and we left after she was able to balance out her cashier drawer. It was about this point when I realized I had no idea where we might actually get a cup of coffee at this hour. I was gone to long to rely on my memory.

“You being the local, where would someone go to get some coffee at this hour?”

“Well, we could go over to the Triangle Diner but, I wasn thinking about just walking over to my place.” Things, indeed, were looking up.

It turned out that I was able to “get lucky” that evening. I spent the night with Jennifer and the following morning around 8:00 am, my cell started to ring. I checked the phone and saw it was my sister. Geez, I forgot to let her know where I was and she was probably understandably concerned.

I let the phone go to voice mail but took that opportunity to get out of bed, start to get ready and then returned my sister’s call. I was able to manage all of this without waking Jennifer so, I decided I’d go and get breakfast because I thought that was the least I could do.

When I returned and slipped back into the apartment, Jennifer was sitting on the edge of the bed looking kind of peeved.

“Where’d you go?”

“I went to get us some bagels and coffee.” I stammered out. I was immediately on the defensive just on the strength of her glare.

“I’d thought you shot out of here without even leaving a note.”

I should have left a note. I never was good with these “morning after” exchanges.

“Sorry. Want a bagel?”

“No, I wanted to cuddle a little…”

“Well…”

Well - Part X

All good depressions must come to an end and I began to feel much better as I tooled around the familiar environs of my hometown. I cruised out to the local shopping mall on the outskirts of town. In doing so it was fun to be wandering around noting all the changes to the downtown area, the busy store fronts and traffic pattern changes that lead out to the main arterial highway leading to the mall.

I was listening to tunes and latched onto a string of reggae music that was both uplifting and got the toe tapping, head nodding motions going. I think it was a combination of the music and the old/new surroundings that allowed me to focus on what is good and promising in the world around me.

Arriving at the mall, I picked up a hot pretzel and chomping on that while I was looking for a clothing store to pick up a new shirt for that night. I noted the changes internally to the mall and the store selection. I tooled on into one of the larger shopping malls when I ran into Robert Grey, another old classmate.

“Bobby…how goes it?”

“Well, they’ll let just about anybody in here on a Saturday won’t they.”

“Only if they promise to buy something it seems.”

We exchanged a few more banal amenities then moved along to our individual pursuits. I selected a couple of shirts, made my purchase then moved on back out to the car. On the way back, I started reminiscing about high school times. I remembered gazing longingly across the cafeteria in Cheryl’s direction. I noted what she wore on a regular basis and during lunch time, she always seemed to be engaged in conversation with the same two or three girlfriends. I always thought I was pretty good at hiding my glances or covering up my casual interest but, according to our last conversation, I must have tipped my hand once or twice as she said that she knew I had a crush on her.

The crush couldn’t have meant much back then as neither of us felt compelled to act on it and here were 10 plus years out of high school and actually now socializing (or rather we are planning to socialize at least for this one date). I wondered when/where she took notice of my interest.

Since I had a couple of hours to kill before I was to pick her up, I decided to stop in at one of my old haunts, a bar that a lot of my group hung out in for witnessing sporting events and to wind down at night when the need arose. The establishment was called the “Rec Room” back then and I noted a name change when I pulled into the familiar parking lot. The new owners apparently were perhaps shooting for a slightly older clientele when naming the establishment the “Blind Squirrel.” There was a cute saying underneath that “even a blind squirrel can sometimes find a good nut.”

As I walked across the entranceway and approached the bar, I noted that there were very few folks gathered at the bar. It seems most of the current patrons were engrossed with a
TV broadcast airing on a large screen over by the pool table area. In fact I stood at the bar looking for service in vain for a number of minutes before my curiosity and thirst caused me to wander over to the edge of the crowd to see what was going on that was so captivating.

The scene that was being captured on the TV was from a news broadcast. It seems that something was either just announced or being discussed. It looked like a press release but I couldn’t quite make out what was transpiring. I asked some one at the edge of the crowd what was going on.

“They just announced that we were attacked in Alaska. The president is saying its an act of war is sending troops to the North Country to ward off an invasion by the Chinese.”

“Are they attacking us or Canada”

“Both it seems.”

I would later learn that an invasion force had landed in Alaska and that the Chinese were seeking to claim Alaska for its own. I guess they were interested in harvesting the oil reserves up there. According to the same gent, the Canadians have already responded by sending in troops to the area but it seems the Chinese have made great strides already and had claimed control of the state capital.

Well - Part IX

It turned out I didn’t have to wait too long. About a half hour after the car conked out on me, I saw the lights of a patrol car kick in down the road and a state trooper pulled to the curb just behind my vehicle.

I did the usual inventory of what vehicle infractions I could be subject to and decided I should be okay. The darn thing did pass its inspection last month and I thought the tires were all legal at least. I had a storied history of traffic tickets in my dubious past.

I conveyed my plight to the officer and he called for a tow truck to get me off the side of the road. I thanked him and shortly thereafter I saw the flashing lights of the tow truck bearing down from the south.

I got towed to a little service center and forked over what I hoped was a good piece of plastic to cover the towing charges and was able to call my sister from the service center.
My sister sighed but said her husband would make the trek down to retrieve me and we could decide on what to do with the car in the morning.

Saturday morning came and I awoke in my childhood home feeling a tad disoriented and once I recognized my circumstances and the memory of the previous night came into focus, I started getting depressed. Here I was 31 years old seemingly with no direction in my life. I was a victim of a bad marriage, a nowhere, dead-end job, and with no clear prospects or direction.

I hate when days start like this.

I wondered out to the kitchen in search of coffee, breakfast and distraction. No one else in the house seemed to be stirring (or else they were gone…). I checked the time and began to wonder about my “date” with Cheryl later this evening. Should I call it off, tell her about the car trouble, admit to being a loser and tell her she would be best to forget she ever knew me.

I was feeling a bit sorry for myself.

Fortunately, this mood didn’t persist. I recognized the self-pity and shook it off and developed my usual pragmatic vision. What did I need to do first… that’s what I needed to focus on.

My sister came in and we exchanged greetings. I had already started coffee, she offered to cook some eggs and I accepted the offer.

We ate in relative silence. Her husband was working and the kids were off doing Saturday type activities so we were alone in the house. She told me that one of her high school friend’s husband had some cars for sale if I wanted to consider that option as opposed to attempting to fix up the current clunker again. I considered that option for nano-second and concluded that financially this wasn’t a realistic option.

Turns out when I checked with the service center that had my car that it fired up on the first try this morning. Probably just got too wet. I caught a ride down there from my sister. After picking up the car I rode out to a local mall to pick up some items for the date. My attention then began to focus on the next task at hand which was how to impress my former high school crush that I wasn’t the total loser that I appeared to be (and I felt at that point in time, I was).

Well - Part VIII

Life is best viewed as a continual series of improvisations.

I’ve often thought of it as a test. It had to be a test, only a test. If it had been an actual life, we would then be receiving instruction on how to deal with it. This is only a test.

In any case, my life has taken some pretty intense twists and turns of late.

My next few days were filled with little mundane work related activities. I decided to call my sister since I lied and used that as an excuse to be in Danbury to pursue the date with Cheryl. I was also doing a lot less bar hopping, eating home, and decided I needed a little drying out period. I was more than a little nervous about the date. I was also concerned about what might transpire once I placed myself back in my “old stomping grounds” of western Connecticut.

By Friday afternoon I was in full-blown clock watching mode. I had accomplished most everything my employer had put on my plate and was puttering around killing time until quitting time. The days since I had returned to work only seemed to reinforce my belief that I was a tad overdue for some material changes in my life…both professional and personal.

Maybe a jaunt back to the old hometown would be just what the doctor ordered. I certainly hoped as much.

I decided to head back to the apartment first instead of dealing with the rush hour madness in the mass exodus that is the normal northbound out of the city traffic on a Friday experience (I’ve been there, got that t-shirt). I could, in fact, wait until Saturday morning but I had told my sibling that I would be showing up on her doorstep sometime Friday night so that option didn’t really exist.

I packed up a few changes of shirt and some dress slacks for the date and proceeded out to the beat up Chevy that was “my ride” these days. It was a1998 Lumina that was just about five years past its prime. It ran but the handling and the ride suffered from a lot of neglect and several years of harsh city driving. I headed north out of the city around 8:00 pm which avoided the lion’s share of the weekend rush.

I had gone about fifty miles when I ran into some torrential rains… I slowed to a crawl mostly because the wipers on this beast were not stellar performers either. I had made the trip often enough that the roadways were familiar and I was also accustomed to the usual places in my route that be subject to flooding.

I turned up the music just about the time that the engine decided it was wet enough and wanted a break. It cut out and I rolled to a stop on the shoulder of Rte 684 15 miles south of the Rte 84 interchange. I did the usual routine…curse first, pound the steering wheel, try to re-start the car, curse, pound the steering wheel…

The rain was coming down pretty hard at that point and there didn’t seem to be much traffic (probably due to the weather).

I checked my cell phone and sure enough… my luck was holding true and there was no signal and very little battery left for any attempt at communications. I repeated the same litany with the phone as I had just performed with the car; Call, call fail, curse, beat on the steering wheel, try call, call fail, curse….

I then attempted to assess what options I did have. I could start walking and feared that I’d end up as a hood ornament on some trucker’s dash. I could wait for a while and hope that a cop spotted me, I could continue to repeat the useless attempts at re-starting the car or making a call…

Well…

Well - Part VII

I explained to Cheryl the events of the past week and waking up in the hospital with multiple contusions and some broken ribs. She was silent and let me finish the story but I could also see in her eyes some degree of abject horror in my tale.

Coming from a much smaller city and more of a neighborhood environment I could understand why she looked upon these circumstances as being so scary and unusual. I hoped I still did but it was still kind of fresh and I guess even though it was my own body… I was kind of in an out of body mindset that night. Anyway, after regaling her of my recent bad luck experiences. I kind of ran out of gas and the conversation seemed to come to an end.

Cheryl politely stated that “It’s getting late” and was in the process of excusing herself when I blurted out… “You know I had a heck of a crush on you in high school…” Her head spun around and she gave me a look of both pleasant surprise and curiosity.

“I knew…”

“Really?” It was my turn to be shocked. I was more sure that I had made absolutely no impression on young Cheryl than I was sure that grass was green and the sky was blue.

“I kept waiting on you to ask me out and it never happened.” She said.

I knew all too well that this was the case. I used to lay awake at night thinking of Cheryl. She was always cheerful but far from out going (as most of the popular girls were in my classroom). She always seemed to be just a bit out of place and trying to find her way. This was also true of most of my friends…and myself.

I had managed to get through High School with almost no experience with the opposite sex and my virginity firmly intact. As I was thinking about this, I was almost certain that I hadn’t even gotten Cheryl to sign my senior yearbook. To think that she was aware of my unspoken and “not acted upon” attraction was most surprising.

“Geez… I guess I was afraid of rejection or that you weren’t interested.” I stammered out (I guess I was feeling kind of defensive give this revelation).

“I thought you were kind of cute. You didn’t seem to be like any of the other guys. You were thoughtful and more of a bookworm.” Damn she was paying attention.

I might have been blushing but I was very encouraged because a few moments ago I thought Cheryl was about to walk out of my life again (and I probably wouldn’t have blamed her) and now she seemed to be settling back into her seat.

“…and here we are 10 years later…” I smiled. I didn’t know what else to do and it seemed like a rather natural response at this point. I was pleased that I had at least made some kind of impression on her (without really trying) and that her she was with the potential that I might have actually professed what I probably should have stated to her a decade earlier.

A semi-uncomfortable silence ensued and I was fearful that I was about to lose that momentum again. “Could we maybe … go out for a dinner or a movie sometime?”

“I’d like that.” She said. “But, how is that going to happen. I’m leaving tomorrow morning for Connecticut again. You making any trips back to our hometown in the near future?”

“Well…” Here comes another lie… I thought. “I was going to be coming up north next weekend to visit my sister. Are you free then?”
“Sure, I’d like that.”

With that comment our evening wound down shortly thereafter. I walked her to her hotel and we agreed that I would call her to confirm next Thursday.

As I was walking back to my apartment, I had the biggest grin on my face. I couldn’t believe the swing of luck in my life in such a short time span.

Well -Part VI

Well Cheryl did come back. She stated that she had gotten a hold of her friend and that she had been detained and was going to “take a rain check.” Which meant that she was available for perhaps some coffee.

We strolled out of the bar and into the Indian Summer weather. Despite it being mid to late October, the evening air was slightly balmy. As we walked, we talked about inane topics such as the weather, preparations for Holloween and forthcoming holiday season. Seems that since she had never really left our hometown she had much more news from that area than I. I asked her how she decided to take up the teaching profession and she replied with “I couldn’t think of anything else that looked possible for me in that area.”

“Did you ever consider leaving Danbury?”

“Hundreds of times but, I could never decide on a direction or destination.”

“I see, have you done much traveling?”

“Not really, I’ve been up and down the east coast on vacations and the like but I don’t make a lot of money so the traveling bug was never really a possibility for me. My folks passed away a few years ago, my brother decided the military was his career so, that sort of left me alone to fend for myself.”

“I’m sorry…”

“Don’t be. It’s not as doom and gloom as that last statement made it sound. I’ve got a fair amount of friends, I’m happy.”

“Great.”

We then fell into a silence as we finished our walk and took a seat in the coffee shop. We ordered a couple of lattes and then resumed the talk.

“I came down to the city right out of High School and it certainly was a bit of culture shock. There was the thrill of all the possibilities but, in the first six months, I was mugged twice and my room got broken into. Last week I was rolled in an alley and sustained some broken ribs so… I’m really beginning to think a change of venue might be in order.”

“Geez… Now I’m the one to say I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. In most of those instances, the bad things happened because I have a tendency to do dumb things at the most inopportune times.”

“How so…?”

“Well…”

Well - Part V

Cheryl Henderson was perhaps my first love. I don’t recall ever thinking about her in those terms but I don’t recall ever being smitten by any woman prior to her (at least to that degree). We never actually went out but we shared several classes and worked together on some school projects. She was probably completely unaware of the crush that I had on her in those days.

I was totally surprised and unprepared to run into her here in the city 10 years after our graduation from high school. When I was high school, I was the bookish nerd in my classes. I never really had to work very hard for good grades and that ease of not having to apply myself carried over from school into my present day work habits.

Cheryl, on the other hand, was probably an average student who was pretty shy and quiet for the most part. She had her small circle of friends and participated in the usual number of after school activities. She wasn’t “popular” in the classic sense of the term but I would venture to guess that you couldn’t find anyone in our class that disliked her for any reason.

She didn’t recognize me (naturally) but I spotted her in that crowded bar as if there was a baby spotlight trained on her and her alone. I made my way through the throng of people in the waiting area of the bar and I was getting closer to her position, my mind was racing for an opening line. I marveled at the light in her eyes and the fact that she smile and mannerisms don’t seem changed given the decade that had passed.

Without any better idea, I approached her from her left and blurted out “Cheryl?”

She turned and greeted my smile with a quizzical and curious look. She obviously was struggling with a response.

“Jim… Jim MacIntyre… remember from Danbury High?”

I watched as she processed that information and some degree of recognition grew in her expression.

“Oh… Yes, of course… How have you been? What are you doing in the city?”

“I moved her directly after graduation. I work in PR for a marketing firm here in Manhattan. It keeps me off the streets” I grinned self-consciously. “How are things going for you?”

“Not bad… I’m down here for a conference at the Hyatt. I went into teaching. I’m teaching elementary school back in Danbury still…”

“Great. You look great. Haven’t changed at all. Am I imposing…?” I glanced around but she appeared to be alone. This was very surprising to me so I had to ask… as dumb as it sounded (to me).

“Well, I’m supposed to be meeting someone here but I she must be running late”

“Do you want to get a table or something? If you’d like, I know a nice coffee shop in the next block. It would be a lot quieter.” Not bad I thought… redirection… see if she is interested in carrying on the conversation.

She nodded her head and said, “I really should see if I can get a hold of my friend… Let me try to give her a call. I’ll be right back.” Without waiting for an answer she turned away and began to pick her way through the crowd towards the door. I assumed she was going to step outside to make her call. The thought also crossed my mind that she could also be intending to leave and not come back….

Well - Part IV

So… Where does this all lead? I wish I could say that I had benefited from some great insight as a result of my beating while stumbling home drunk one evening but… I’m not sure that’s really the case.

I resolved to attempt to get myself home at an earlier hour. I decided that I would try really hard not to urinate in any strange alleyways (familiar alleyways are still fair game by that definition I guess…) and I suppose that I should say that the experience with closing out all of my credit cards and the changing of passwords and the like was a good exercise if only because it forced me to take that inventory. Oddly enough I never saw any fraudulent charges or problems as a result of my wallet being picked. I imagined that it just wound up in a dumpster somewhere after the thief grabbed the meager $20 or so that represented my “walking around cash”.

Work was a tad less pleased with my calling them as late as I did that day but they didn’t really give me much of a hard time about it. I guess they decided that getting rolled in an alleyway was basis for a short term disability stint. I wound up having to fill out some forms but, all in all, it wasn’t as bothersome as I was initially thinking it would become.

I stayed out the rest of that week and rested up through the weekend. One of my friends arrived at my doorstep on Friday night with a pizza and a six-pack. I shared the pizza but opted not to partake of the beer. I thanked him and sent him on his way well before midnight.

The following Monday was “face the music” time and I strolled in with freshly pressed clothes and a forced smile on my face. I had the anticipated glut of emails to parse through and I read with interest what was transpiring as far as potential business opportunities. I was riddled to some extent with some guilt feelings and wanted to throw myself into some projects to make up for my “lost time” experience.

The first few days passed rather uneventfully and then the painful one-week anniversary took place that Thursday. There was the usual group of folks that were assembling for an “after work” meeting at the local pub. I had mixed feelings about joining them but in the end, found myself on that barstool again. I started very slowly and combined seltzer water with rounds of beer. I left after a quick burger and got home before 10:00 that evening. All in all, my experience was a somewhat respectable change in comparison to my habits of the last couple of months.

Through that week I could almost convince myself that I had things under control and that I was on the road to rebuilding my standing with the company and starting to adhere to a more conservative and healthy lifestyle.

Then I had a chance meeting with my old classmate, Cheryl.