Well - Part XIX

Christmas in the loony bin. I felt so bad for Cheryl having to spend the holidays in a hospital. I stopped by Christmas morning to see her. They had her on so much medication, she never knew I was there (I don’t believe). She was spending her holiday on Thorazine island. Which probably isn’t the worse place in the world to spend a holiday. I stayed about an hour and watched her sleep.

In that time, I pondered my current dilemma. I was beginning to get the impression that Cheryl’s condition might be a much longer term. I loved her dearly and was praying daily that there would be some turn of events there that would give me some hope that she might return to some semblance of her former self.

Jennifer and I were going to have to maintain some degree of a relationship for the rest of our lives. After all, we will always have the child as a connection. I didn’t really see any true loving relationship with her though. She didn’t seem to want any such relationship with me either. We were both going to do “the right thing” whatever the heck that means.

My goals were radically changing. I knew in sitting there beside Cheryl’s bed in the state sanitarium that what I was really sifting through my life for was some degree of focus and direction, heck aren’t we all?

The job I had garnered within food service was blissfully mindless. I could spend my hours in there pretty much going through the motions and performing my duties in some degree of efficiency. It unfortunately was a task borne of duty and necessity, I wanted more.

I put together a few short-term goals while holding Cheryl’s hand that morning. Maybe they could be called “new year’s resolutions”. I decided that I wanted to go back to school and try to figure a few things out. Not having any money was definitely going to limit this desire some but, I thought perhaps I could look into some financial aid and perhaps go to school nights or online.

I also decided that I wanted to travel some. I was bored to tears with the Northeast of the US and wanted to see (at least) the rest of the country and perhaps, at some point, go abroad.