Crossroads

Sometimes, it seems, you instinctively know what path to take when you find yourself at one of life’s crossroads. Sometimes you don’t even recognize that you’re at a crossroads but the anxiety of having to decide between two very appealing directions causes you to pause and reflect before moving on. Time, you figure, and fate will judge whether the path chosen was the best.

I woke up this morning and knew that I was sitting right in the bisection of two divergent pathways and that I needed to make a decision because I’ve put off moving in any direction too long already.

You see, my marriage to a wonderful girl was skidding into a divorce court whether I wanted to believe this or not. I had been working two dead end jobs and really needed to make a change to establish a career in the information technology field. I had been working towards that goal without really acknowledging that this was what I was doing. I had actually garnered a second interview with a technology company in a neighboring city about 100 miles away from my current home and family.

If I was going to make a run at a technology career, this was a golden opportunity. It also was attractive because of the pain I was attempting to contend with in staying in my hometown while attending to the end of the only love affair I’d ever had in my life. Getting out of the town and into a new situation was both appealing and frightening.

In essence, making such a move would be taking on every major stressor in the book. I would, in one fell swoop, be moving into a situation where I would surely be mourning the passing of my marriage. I would be moving away from child, away from my family and my supporting friends. I would be moving to an unfamiliar area, moving from a mostly rural environment to a city, to a new job in a different industry. Couldn’t have planned for a more complete makeover.

It was one of those rare occasions where, as frightening as it appeared, I knew in my heart this was the right move. I didn’t even have to reflect long and hard about the pros and cons. I knew that to stay would be a move that I would come to regret. Moving on would afford me a chance to heal and to begin working towards a new start on many levels.

The roughest part of this decision was going to be moving away from my 8 year old son. I wanted to make sure that he understood the reasons and that I wasn’t going to be leaving his life by a long shot. It was going to be tough, but I was committed to do whatever I had to in order to remain a constant in his life.

The day I sat down with him and his mom to attempt to explain the changes that were going to impact on our family was the roughest and most heart wrenching of experiences. We did take the tact of calling it (what the legal folks called it) a “trial separation” even though I’m pretty sure that both my wife and I knew it was going to be a permanent change.

I made sure that my son had a hand in selecting the apartment that I chose to move to. I assured him at every step that I was going to be there for him no matter what occurred and that he would always have a place wherever I lived.