DYNAMITE AND THE CAP

Key West Vacation - Part II

jim@jimmcnierney.com (Jim McNierney) — Thu, 07 Jan 2010 01:34:00 +0000

We checked into the hotel and did a fairly intensive pub-crawl that first night getting back to the room at around 1:00 am.

It seems my kid can drink...he held his own and was able to walk under his own steam the final block and a half after our last stop on the crawl that evening....

He had lost his capacity for intelligible speech during our stay at the third bar we went to (the world famous Sloppy Joe's) at around 10:00 pm and I believe was on auto pilot while we listened to the band at the last stop on our crawl, a club called Fogerty's, on Duval Street.

Upon waking the next day, I expected (and was not disappointed) to have a world-class hangover to contend with. Anyway, I peeled my tongue from the roof of my mouth, showered and dressed and made my way down to Starbuck's to kill time while waiting on my son to rise.

The weather was the usual gorgeous down island. I am always impressed by the beautiful combination of water, weather and easy manner in which the native folk in this city conduct their day-to-day affairs.

After finishing up with the latte, I made my way back upstairs in the hotel to see if my son had awakened yet. It turns out he was still sawing wood in his bed. I put together a note and told him I was headed down to the marina. If he woke up, he could call my cell or wander down to the marina (about three blocks from the hotel).
At the marina, I took up a position at an outdoor bar and started in with a couple of rounds of mimosas. I asked if there was any place to get food but, the barmaid said that the only place she knew that was serving breakfast was either in one of the area hotel restaurants or a small diner about three blocks over from the marina on the Gulf side of the island.

I decided to skip the solid food and go with more juice until my son could join me.

The view from the marina on this particular morning was fantastic. It was about 80 degrees at 8:00 and I knew that by noon, it was going to get pretty sticky. At that hour, there were very few folks wandering around that were true tourists. Most of them (I imagined) were either folks that decided not to go to bed, insomniacs or locals.

I enjoyed the quiet and the sunshine. The barmaid and I shared a couple of stories. Seems she was a Midwest girl initially and moved down to the islands two years ago after a vacation stay that never ended. She was the youngest of five kids and had led a pretty sheltered life back on her dad’s farm in Omaha.

When my cell phone rang, I knew it was son. He asked if I could bring him back some food and wasn’t up to facing life outside of the hotel room right now. I told him to go back to bed and that I would retrieve some caffeine and some food and bring it back to him within the next hour.

After our “breakfast”, we decided to take a walk over to the Atlantic side of the island to the large public beach and just say hi to the ocean for a few minutes. Along the way we purchased some essentials that we had forgotten to pack for the trip. Neither of us had thought to bring sunglasses or sunblock.

Key West Vacation - Part I

jim@jimmcnierney.com (Jim McNierney) — Tue, 05 Jan 2010 03:03:00 +0000

My son and I were on our way to a long promised trip to Key West.

Back in the mid 1990’s, I found myself between jobs and badly in need of some degree of decompression time. I managed to secure a week off between jobs and booked a trip to Key West. It was the first (and thus far the only) time that I actually did a vacation alone as an adult. My son, who was 11 years old at the time, didn’t understand why Dad wanted to take this trip without him. I was a weekend parent due to a divorce three years earlier and would always be sensitive to the absentee parent guilt trip.

I promised my son at that time that when he was old enough (meaning 21), I would take him to Key West as it was more fun to go there as an adult. My truthful assessment at the time… so, here we are a decade later and I’m making good on that long ago promise.

The first two flights went off with nary a hitch.....

Then we got to Miami....

We had a scheduled layover of just under an hour.... We picked up a bite to eat...( The orange peel and two pretzel sticks they gave us on the previous three hour flight had worn off) and proceeded to our gate ten minutes ahead of our "boarding time" - 2:45pm

We met our fellow castaways; the professor and the Howell's were there already.....

Total manifest included five passengers that were scheduled to fly out on a 9 passenger capacity stick of gum with a wing nut and rubber band serving as propulsion....

The highly efficient "chatty Cathy's" that were manning the gate podium we're engaged in a tense debate about the relative merit's of "Rosalita's Ninos...." and apparently didn't make an association that time to board the plane had come and gone. This would explain why all five of us had visited the podium with questions about the status of the flight.

The gate attendants (Chatty Cathy’s both) finally thought it best to make an announcement over the PA system. This, of course, resulted in a debate on who should make the announcement....

The scene being made all the more superfluous because all five passengers are now staring bullet holes through their skulls standing not ten feet away from the podium where this nonsensical debate was taking place.

Anyway... the story that was relayed to the passengers was that the flight was delayed because "the crew" was "tied up" in Customs.

I knew the lucky streak was bound to end at some point.

So we sat.... I did ask why the "tying up” at customs of the crew members wasn't factored into their scheduling and after a little gnashing of teeth, they added "well the flight was late getting back from Cuba."

We were then visited by three large uniformed law enforcement officers with handguns and several stern looking suits who proceeded to confer with the "Chatty Cathy's" (in Spanish of course) about the status of flight 9130.... (A small sigh of relief because our flight was 9131).

The arrival of the cops with the flaunting of high callipered weapons did create a bit more space at the podium because the five passengers all decided to back off about ten paces.
I started investigating car rental avenues at this point.

Well about an hour and a half later, the skipper and his first mate Juan and Carlos (dubious position unrevealed) were sprung from Customs and we were finally on our way to Key West.

Silence

jim@jimmcnierney.com (Jim McNierney) — Sat, 02 Jan 2010 13:21:00 +0000

Listening...

hoping to find in the silence some degree of direction and purpose.

The brilliant sunlight gleaming upon the new fallen snow makes for an almost dreamlike scene that is calming but it's the sound,

or rather...

the lack of sound,

that is so pronounced

at this hour.

I hear a neighbor's wind chime tinkling in the breeze.

It seems as if the chime is speaking to us...
telling us that the wind is portending that the day will be good.

The silence is slowly broken by the sound of the crisp wind combined with the sound of my heart beating in my ears denoting the passage of time.

It's too cold

For the sound of crickets
or
the sound of any running water from the nearby river.

Just the winter wind....and me

Little Misunderstanding - Part VII

jim@jimmcnierney.com (Jim McNierney) — Thu, 31 Dec 2009 13:19:00 +0000

I did a little research on the train south and found that the Senator’s wife came from an “old money” family from New England. She had never sought out the spotlight and was likely a “stay behind the scenes” wife by choice.

Of course she made the public appearances that any politicians’ wife needs to make. She was last seen with her husband at the Kennedy Center during some kind of tribute for an opera singer from Poland. All the “A-List” folks in the Washington social scene attended the after party. It took place at the Plaza Hotel on the outskirts of the beltway and was still going strong the following morning.

Alana Jamesway left the party after the meal, around 9:30 pm. Her husband, the Senator was one of the last to leave. He spent time with a number of socialites that night but it was rumored that the starlet Vicky Shulmer had his attention for most of the late night portion of the activities.

All of this info added an enhanced degree of speculative anxiety leading up to the confrontation that I was working towards on the steps of the Senator’s townhouse. When we arrived, I asked the camera crew to hold back at the sidewalk until I had a chance to have a few words with Ms. Jamesway.

“Ms. Jamesway, I’m a reporting from the NY Chronicle, I was wondering if you would be willing to answer a few questions for me regarding the recent accusations involving your husband?”

“I’m sorry sir, I really haven’t been paying much attention to all of this stuff, I’m not sure I could help you.”

“We’d like to know if you had any statement on either the allegations of misappropriation of funds or the rumors regarding Vicky Shulmer’s alleged relationship with your husband?” Might as well go for the gold with the first question.

Her face contorted quickly into an expression of both hurt and shock. I immediately regretted blurting out the question in the manner I just did.

“I will talk with you but, only off the record and no cameras…”

“Sure… I understand, I appreciate that…” I turned back to the camera crew and told them that they were to wait on the street. I then turned and followed the senator’s wife into their townhouse.

We walked down an elaborate hallway with some impressive artwork on both walls and a plush carpet underneath. She wound her way into the kitchen area and made a bee-line for the coffee machine on the counter. She offered me a cup (which I quickly accepted) and took a position at the breakfast nook on a stool. I took a seat opposite her on the counter.

She began “ I know nothing about the allegations that the commission has put forward… My husband keeps most of his professional life to himself and we don’t discuss this in any capacity. What is this about my husband and Ms Shulmer?”

“Well, we suspect he was in New York in her company over this past weekend. We know that they spent the night in the same hotel on Sunday and were both seen leaving the premises Monday morning. I can’t state that they left together but there are rumors to that effect.”

“I can’t comment on that. We have a good marriage and I completely trust my husband. I’m sure you are mistaken about this alleged relationship. There must be some misunderstanding”

Little Misunderstanding - Part VI

noreply@blogger.com (dynomitepluscap) — Tue, 29 Dec 2009 12:55:00 +0000

As it turned out the mystery man was our dear Senator. He had obviously duped us (and others) to think that he was heading off to work that morning. Instead he had circled back, reclaimed his friend (the starlet) and made a hasty retreat once our attention was turned elsewhere.

The question that was running through my mind was if there was any connection with the events that took place that day at the state legislature building and the supposed “robbery” that took place in the lobby of the hotel.

The two events combined to make a compelling distraction if that was truly their intent. Not being trained as barrister and having little knowledge in the trade of legal professionals, I was unsure whether such actions would constitute any type of criminal infraction.

The pace of the activities at the legislature building was calming down some. It seemed somewhat miraculously that there were no casualties and only some minor injuries due to the shootings. I decided to consult with some of the legal folks back at the station and offered up my theories as to the potential correlation of these events and the theorized purpose. I wanted to know if there was any kind of revelation what kinds of potential charges might be involved if the Senator was behind any of the diversionary tactics that took place.

The young female paralegal told me that there was definitely a potential for serious felony charges if the Senator was behind any effort involving firearms at a public gathering or the staging of a robbery to involve the reaction of public servants (police, fire, EMT, etc…)

Armed with this assessment, I asked our editor if I could be allowed to head down to Washington to do a remote outside of the Senator’s home or perhaps his office at the capital. I also asked them to alert me if there were any more proclamations involving the commissions’ findings regarding inappropriate behavior on behalf of this same Senator.

My editor wasn’t too pleased about having to foot the bill for travel down to the Washington but he agreed (after some coaxing) that I might have a closer, unique perspective to cover this potential story than the sister channels in the beltway.

I contacted my favorite camera guy and brought one other crew member to help with the gear transport and we were on the train within the hour heading south to the nation’s Capital. Thanks to our modern smartphone technology, I was able to keep in contact with the major news outlets as we were traveling to Washington that evening. It was revealed in that time frame that the Senator was currently unavailable for comment (surprise, surprise) and that his wife was not speaking to the press despite several attempts to reach her for comment.

The entertainment news coverage was sketchy as well. The starlet’s manager stated only that she was still preparing for upcoming role in a feature length move that was planned for shooting in the spring over in France. He admitted that she was in New York this past weekend but didn’t divulge any details as to where/who/what she was involved with while in town.

The starlet’s career was seeing somewhat of a revival in getting press coverage. She might be the only person involved in this mess that might actually be benefiting from the occurrences of the last twenty-four hours.

Little Misunderstanding - Part V

jim@jimmcnierney.com (Jim McNierney) — Mon, 28 Dec 2009 04:21:00 +0000

The next few minutes were pretty intense by anyone’s account. It seems that there was activity all around me. The sniper fire was coming from several points on the horizon but didn’t seem to be accomplishing much other than keeping all of the security folks pinned down and the press scrambling for cover. The shots seemed random in their source and target.
Across town, the camera crew I had left there had captured a hasty exit by the starlet with her mystery man. They were in the process of uploading the film to the studio for editing and potential inclusion in the nightly news broadcast within the entertainment segment of the programming.
The crew had uploaded the film segment blindly without actually viewing what they captured themselves. If they had, they might have recognized that the man that was accompanying the starlet had the look and countenance of our senator.
The two of them had managed to reach the limo that the starlet had arranged for and was headed off to points unknown.
The sniper fire stopped back at the legislature as suddenly as it started. We all remained hidden behind post or pillar for a few more minutes before we had the assurance in our minds that it was safe to do so. The security folks pulled out all their radios and I could tell by the sounds of the approaching sirens that emergency responders would soon be arriving. I got the crew mobilized and we started a live feed to report on the shooting.
“This is a live feed from the state legislature building. We have just been the victims of some random shooting from what appears to be several snipers working in consort. It is unclear as to their motives and it’s also unknown as to how many injuries or casualties were incurred as a result of these actions.” I droned into the waiting cameras maw.
“More details will be forthcoming as we learn more of the results of these actions.” We sent that along while I then turned my attention back to the folks we left at the hotel. I had the sinking feeling that there was more to meet the eye with the goings on at that location.
Boswell said that it didn’t seem like there was much of a robbery in the lobby but that the crew thought that there was really something strange about the back door exit of the starlet and the mystery man. Not sure but it seemed that the limo that they got into on the outskirts of the hotel parking lot had federal government plates on it. This is part of the feedback they got from the footage that they captured and had already relayed back to the station.
Our affiliate back in Virginia / Washington DC area had sent a crew to the Senator’s townhouse looking to et some kind of statement from his wife who had, thus far, remained silent on these recent events. Of course we were all hoping that stance would change now.

Happy Holidays All!

jim@jimmcnierney.com (Jim McNierney) — Fri, 25 Dec 2009 17:49:00 +0000

It’s that holiday time again!!

Holiday seasons are steeped with traditions within each family and hold a dear place in all our hearts.

I’ve found that the holiday season comes to mean different things to us as we rumble through the years.

As a youngster, the holidays are a time of receiving presents, pretty lights, receiving presents, a lot of laughter, receiving presents, family time, receiving presents, lots of candy and receiving presents.

As we get older and the presents go from toys to more practical things, the holidays slowly begin to take on a new meaning. It’s time to have fun, party, and take a break from our work day lives.

As we start our own families and have children of our own, we get to see the holidays anew through the eyes of our kids. In this period, the holidays take on a fresh look, new meaning, and a chance to form our own traditions.

As our children grow and move away from our homes, the holiday season becomes a time of renewal, an opportunity to reconnect with family and friends. Often times, it seems we start new traditions in this timeframe based on the new look and activities that we embrace during this time of year.

As we get older still, the traditions morph, unfortunately the number of family we have left to visit and exchange well wishes with becomes fewer. During this stage of life, the holiday season remains a time to reach out and count our blessings. Reflect on seasons/years past and again, change or develop new traditions. The time honored media shows and activities become more a chance to reconnect with our past. The stories and music seem to become even more precious and the family and friends that you do share these times with are ever more dear.

In short, it seems (to me) that as the years go by, the holidays become less about exchanging gifts and partying and more about reflection and letting those that are dear to you know that you are thinking about them. Letting them know how important your relationship with them is (to you) and to honor the loved ones that are no longer with us.

Happy holidays all!!!

Little Misunderstanding - Part IV

noreply@blogger.com (dynomitepluscap) — Wed, 23 Dec 2009 17:43:00 +0000

Strangeness did ensue.

First thing that broke was that the scene back at the hotel began to heat up in a major way. The camera crew spotted the starlet leaving the hotel from the rear entrance accompanied by a man who looked like a disheveled homeless dude. The aspect of his appearance that looked severely out of place was the fact that he wore a pair of nicely polished.

In the front of the hotel where Boswell was walking down the street towards the entrance became suddenly awash with a lot of commotion. It seemed that the police presence was precipitated by a scuffle between hotel staff and some of the crew members from one of our rival TV networks. Since Boswell knew several of the combatants, his attention was focused (at least initially) with trying to ascertain the cause of the confrontation. He overheard the hotel staff loudly proclaiming that there was a theft of some sort.

The hotel staff was pleading their case with the city cops while the camera crew was attempting to get in contact with some management folks back at the news central studio. While the rest of our crew were calling out to Boswell (and fortunately for me, capturing all of the starlet’s exit with the mystery man on film) from the rear of the hotel, Bill finally figured out that the display in the lobby could very well have been a smoke screen to allow the starlet easy exit.

I learned all of the above about ½ hour after it had occurred. The reason for the delay was that the scene at the courthouse became every bit as intense as the events back at the hotel were.

The spokesperson for the commission was making another proclamation about our dear senator when a cry went out from the edge of the crowd and gun fire could be heard over the whine and shrieks of the crowd. It appeared that there was a sniper picking off individuals that were standing close to the stage. It appeared (at least from my vantage point) that the shots were striking the security staff around the stage and not aimed at the persons on the stage (the commission members or the spokesperson at the podium).

I shouted out to the crew who were now laying on the ground that we needed to get the cameras going. They ignored me and continued to lay on the ground which was pretty much what I was doing so I couldn’t really blame them. My mind was dealing with three things at that point:

1. How not to get killed?
2. How do I explain why we didn’t get any footage of the sniper or the commission announcements?
3. Does the sniper, the robbery at the hotel and the exit of the starlet with the mystery man at the rear of the hotel have any connection with one another?

Pretty much in that order…

Little Misunderstanding - Part III

jim@jimmcnierney.com (Jim McNierney) — Mon, 21 Dec 2009 10:14:00 +0000

Well, that certainly sounded plausible but I was still a tad puzzled by both the revelation of this added wrinkle to the scandal that I was currently trying to cover along with the way the news was reaching my ears. Why was this hotel employee so keen on revealing this information and why was it coming at this point in time?
On the surface it appeared that this was an almost miraculously fortuitous set of coincidences. My spidey sense was tingling on this though and I wasn’t immediately willing to jump on this tangential stream of evidence in total deference to the original story that I had come to this locale to cover. Still it was just juicy enough that I didn’t want to ignore it completely.
I decided to try to hedge my bet. I took down the information that the staff member was all too willing to give up. I tipped him a twenty-dollar bill for his trouble and then turned that portion of the story over to my intern, Bill Boswell to shake down.
He circled around to the rear of the hotel and waited for this starlet to appear with a small camera crew in tow. I headed downtown to the state legislature’s building campus to cover further disclosure from the commission. I told Boswell if any of this panned out to call my cell and keep me posted.
Once I arrived at the press room of the main lobby of the Senate building, I encountered the usual swamp of press corps that were all jockeying around trying to joust for position around the flunky that they had sent out to greet the press around the commission’s findings.
Our senator was nowhere to be seen. My sources were covering the airports and train terminals to see if he were simply going to leave town and where he might be headed if that was indeed his intention. I also asked around the senator’s office staff to see if there was any change to his posted itinerary since this morning’s news story broke.
His office staff was relaying only that no changes to the posted itinerary were made. The senator was going to be returning home in the next day to spend the holiday with his family. The allegations were false and all was right with the world…
I hadn’t heard from Boswell in the last hour so I rang him up and asked if there was any spotting of the actress or any other happenings of note going on back at the hotel. He said that he hadn’t seen hide nor hair of the starlet but that he though there might be something happening in the front of the hotel as there seemed to be some police cars arriving. I told him to check that out and get back to me if it looked like there was anything related to our story or the senator.
He said he would do just that and was instructing the camera crew to retain a vigil at the rear vantage point in the meantime. I concurred that this sounded like a good plan of attack.
It seemed that the only thing to do was to sit tight and see if any strangeness was going to ensue.

Little Misunderstanding - Part II

jim@jimmcnierney.com (Jim McNierney) — Sun, 20 Dec 2009 02:22:00 +0000

The senator spoke quickly but calmly. “I’d first like to say that I’m very grateful for the friends and family that I have and that they have continued to stand by me in this time of trial. The accusations that are being thrown around are entirely, irrevocably false, hurtful and politically motivated. I’m sure that once the facts are completely examined that my innocence will be obvious to all.
It has saddened me to see how many organizations and new sources have blindly accepted these accusations as fact and reported as such. They are the ones who will be embarrassed when these actions are proven to be motivated by only the basest of human emotions.
I hope that all of you will continue to pay attention closely to the accusers in this affair and you will see that their motivation is obvious. Their intent is to drive a stake through the heart of all that I have strived to build in the name of good and for the benefit of my constituents.
I have nothing further to say on this matter at this time.
Thank you.”
He then took a path that (coupled with the security folk in close proximity) made a very quick path through the balance of my crew and past the crowd that had gathered in the street outside of the hotel.
A limousine cruised up as if on queue when he reached the street and he climbed in with no resistance from the crowd and was off to points unknown.
I spent the next twenty minutes in the lobby (much to the chagrin of the hotel staff) putting together some clips to act as synopsis and also some teaser clips for the lead-ins for both the six o’clock and eleven o’clock news shows.
We then packed up the gear and were making our departure when I was pulled aside by the one of the hotel security staff. He said “Hey, do you want some juicy gossip?”
“Only if I can substantiate it with some facts… Gossip is dangerous in my line of work.”
“The senator’s girl friend is still here. She’ll be coming down in a few minutes.”
“The senator’s girl friend…?” The senator, as we all knew, was married to the most prominent of families in New England. He had gained a tremendous amount of political clout by first gaining the support of the family’s patriarch and then by also marrying into money. That old blue blood type of money was the best in these very conservative political times.
“Okay, say I’m interested. Does this girlfriend have a name…?
“Oh yeah, I’m sure you’ve heard of Melissa Garrett.”
“Melissa Garrett the pop star?”
“The very one. She checked in last night which is why our good senator spent the night in this establishment. Why do you think he was in town this close to the holiday without the wife in tow?”

Little Misunderstanding - Part I

noreply@blogger.com (dynomitepluscap) — Thu, 17 Dec 2009 17:13:00 +0000

“There appears to be a bit of a misunderstanding here...” said the hotel clerk. Surveying the chaos in the hotel lobby right then, I would have thought this a bit of an understated acknowledgement of the obvious.

The once opulent décor that consisted of plush couches and chairs sitting atop fine Indian rugs looked more like a setting up of the MIT Flea Market. There was electronic gear, some in hard shell cases, some laying atop hastily thrown tarpaulins. There were two dozen crew members that were continuing to add to the pile of gear in the center of the room and cameras already situated on tri pods that were already filming activities. This melee was added to by the growing number of onlookers and passersby that were growing on the fringe of the lobby and staring into the hotel from the street outside.

“So where were we?” he continues…. My, this guy is just chuck full of insightful questioning.

I said “We’re here with our crew to interview Senator McGhee. We understand that he’s preparing to make a statement regarding the findings of the Commission looking into his financial involvement with the war in the Middle East…”

“The Senator is not registered in this hotel. You have the wrong location.”

“I don’t think so… We filmed him scooting in here after the Commission went live with their report twenty-five minutes ago.”

“I’m afraid you must be mistaken.”

“Would you like me to show you the footage…?”

“All I can say is that you are disrupting our business and you’ll have to leave. If you aren’t packing up in five minutes, I’ll have to call the police.”

“Getting the authorities in here will only add to your headaches.” I was going to have to call his bluff. I was scooped by Channel 4 last week with the Anderson trial; I wasn’t going to lose the initiative today.

I was spared prolonging this stand off by the appearance of the Senator at the top of the stairs. He made his way down to the lobby level very slowly. Almost like a cowboy walking into the town square for the shoot out at high noon. I almost heard his spurs jingling as he took each lower step.

“Senator, would you care to comment on the commission’s report? We’re told that a subpoena is imminent. Have you anything to say to the voting public?”

The little hotel manager dude who was blocking our access quietly dissolved into the background once the Senator was spotted.

I checked quickly over my shoulder to see if the camera folks were in place and filming the encounter before proceeding… “Senator McGhee, the commission states that you received some pretty hefty kickback of tax dollars in the war effort. Were they mistaken in this assertion?”

The Senator smiled which I thought at least acknowledged the question.

As he approached the bottom of the stair case, some security folks converged on the area quickly clearing a small area around the foot of the stairs.

Our crew provided a microphone stand seemingly out of the air and passed it through the crowd to the senator then willingly approached the microphone stand and began to address the press and the crowd.

Well - Part XIX

jim@jimmcnierney.com (Jim McNierney) — Tue, 15 Dec 2009 11:18:00 +0000

Christmas in the loony bin. I felt so bad for Cheryl having to spend the holidays in a hospital. I stopped by Christmas morning to see her. They had her on so much medication, she never knew I was there (I don’t believe). She was spending her holiday on Thorazine island. Which probably isn’t the worse place in the world to spend a holiday. I stayed about an hour and watched her sleep.

In that time, I pondered my current dilemma. I was beginning to get the impression that Cheryl’s condition might be a much longer term. I loved her dearly and was praying daily that there would be some turn of events there that would give me some hope that she might return to some semblance of her former self.

Jennifer and I were going to have to maintain some degree of a relationship for the rest of our lives. After all, we will always have the child as a connection. I didn’t really see any true loving relationship with her though. She didn’t seem to want any such relationship with me either. We were both going to do “the right thing” whatever the heck that means.

My goals were radically changing. I knew in sitting there beside Cheryl’s bed in the state sanitarium that what I was really sifting through my life for was some degree of focus and direction, heck aren’t we all?

The job I had garnered within food service was blissfully mindless. I could spend my hours in there pretty much going through the motions and performing my duties in some degree of efficiency. It unfortunately was a task borne of duty and necessity, I wanted more.

I put together a few short-term goals while holding Cheryl’s hand that morning. Maybe they could be called “new year’s resolutions”. I decided that I wanted to go back to school and try to figure a few things out. Not having any money was definitely going to limit this desire some but, I thought perhaps I could look into some financial aid and perhaps go to school nights or online.

I also decided that I wanted to travel some. I was bored to tears with the Northeast of the US and wanted to see (at least) the rest of the country and perhaps, at some point, go abroad.

Well - Part XXVIII

noreply@blogger.com (dynomitepluscap) — Sun, 13 Dec 2009 13:20:00 +0000

I finally managed to get a job offer. It certainly wasn’t anything that I was crazy about but at this stage of the game, I needed gainful employment and any notion of pride or career was going to have to be put on the back burner.

The position was as a food service person in a local hospital. I assisted in the preparation of and delivery of meals to the patients who had the misfortune of being ill and in this institution. I was grateful for the job and the money. In perhaps a month or two, I could perhaps find a cheap apartment. In time, I hoped that I could perhaps even contribute to Jennifer’s medical expenses. I was about to become a dad.

I finally got a chance to visit Cheryl. It was so sad it broke my heart. She was technically and physically sound but the woman I loved (I think still…) was somewhere in a pretty stiff medicated haze. She barely acknowledged my presence in the room let alone acknowledging any recognition of who I was.

I brought some flowers and said that I would check back before Xmas. Her family thanked me and I took my leave.

My next stop during that weekend was to check in with Jennifer. Jennifer’s family were a bit of an enigma. Her parents divorced about seven years ago. Her dad was a successful business man who seemed to like to keep most people including his family at arm’s length. Her Mom was a lovely woman who was brought up in the strictest New England traditions. She was a devout Catholic who was certainly affected greatly by her divorce. She seemed to have a real hard time acclimated to life as a single woman. She had a tendency to continue to live in denial of that aspect of her life. She spoke, acted and expected her family including her husband to be at the dinner table during all meals.

Jennifer was a little worried about her Mom. I hadn’t had much exposure to her family and thought I should at least make an appearance during this holiday. I told Jen that I would accompany her for Christmas Eve at her Mom’s house.

I still hadn’t resolved in my head (and heart) what my involvement was going to be with Jennifer in the immediate future and beyond.

My first paychecks were spent almost entirely on back bills. It was going to have to be a pretty bare bones holiday season. I had to get some new clothes. I didn’t want to show up at Jennifer’s Mom’ house looking like a street urchin (or a food service worker).

That night went better than I had envisioned it going. We managed to avoid most of the truly awkward questions about any future for Jennifer and I. There was some talk about the baby and how “next Christmas” was going to be different with another “little one” in the house again.

Jen’s mom asked me about my family and what my plans for the rest of the holiday were. I told her that I was likely going to be eating Christmas dinner with my sister’s family (although, truthfully, I hadn’t even worked that out. I knew my sister wouldn’t turn me out but our relations were somewhat strained of late). The evening featured a very nice meal and I hoped I made a decent impression.

Time is tough

jim@jimmcnierney.com (Jim McNierney) — Sat, 12 Dec 2009 06:48:00 +0000

As time goes on, we are left with less time.
It trickles away like the proverbial sands in the hour glass.
We can't really save time nor can we pass time or control time in any way.

It just goes.

Our relationship with time is as a surfer and the waves on the ocean.
All we can do is try to ride it out.

Snow Falls

jim@jimmcnierney.com (Jim McNierney) — Wed, 09 Dec 2009 11:14:00 +0000

The snow is falling.
Rolling,
Tumbling,
Cold
and Wet.
It forms a blanket of white cement
The roads are under there…somewhere
The snow is falling.

Well - Part XXVII

noreply@blogger.com (dynomitepluscap) — Mon, 07 Dec 2009 13:35:00 +0000

Over the next couple of weeks, my daily routine was:

1. Arise, shower, shave, and prepare for the day.
2. Go to coffee shop, scan papers, make calls to prospective employers and send resumes.
3. Go home, take nap, await call that doesn’t come
4. Eat something.
5. Sleep more
6. Awake depressed, rinse and repeat

The interviews I did garner were lackluster to say the least. The opportunities didn’t interest me very much and I’m sure that came across in the interviews. I didn’t get any call backs and only one “second interview” (by phone) in that time frame.

I started to collect some unemployment checks and that was different hassle that I won’t go into much here but the money sure helped.

I maintained contact with both Cheryl and Jennifer during this time but, neither of them knew of my relationship with another. I felt more horrible about this as time went on. Jen was still being wonderful as far as letting me be as involved as I wanted to be. I wanted to help pay for the medical expenses that she was going to incur but the prerequisite for that was getting gainful employment.

Cheryl was recovering (according to her doctors). I still hadn’t seen her yet since the suicide attempt. I was told through her dad mostly that she was being kept pretty drugged up. I still longed to at least try and reconnect (again) although I had no idea where this relationship could really go. I guess I realized to a large extent this was going to have to hinge on her mental state improving.

The town had a ceremony honoring Cheryl’s brother and a special service on Veteran’s day a few weeks later. I attended out of respect and exchanged polite well wishes with the rest of her family attending the services. Cheryl, of course, was still sequestered in the hospital. Everyone tip toed around the subject of her brother’s death when in the company of Cheryl. So much so that I wasn’t sure how she was ever going to come to grips with the tragedy.

The approaching holidays were going to cause me to make some pretty interesting decisions. Jennifer asked what I was doing as did my sister and Cheryl’s dad. The decision was mine. I just didn’t know if I was going to cull a direction out of this decision or even if I had to.

Well - Part XXVI

noreply@blogger.com (dynomitepluscap) — Sat, 05 Dec 2009 11:08:00 +0000

Sooner or later, every depression or pocket of trouble reaches a point where you are just sick of being depressed and commit yourself to some happiness (someway or anyhow..)

I hit that point the following Monday morning. I decided that it was probably a blessing that I was laid off of a job that was undoubtedly a “dead end” providing me with no real future. The timing wasn’t impeccable but these things never are.

I left the apartment that morning and decided to peruse the morning papers in a comfortable neighborhood coffee shop. I purchased the NY Times and the Post and started scanning the want ads. I also left notice back to my sister to save me some area papers in that city as well. I hadn’t quite decided where I was going to land here but wanted to take all avenues into consideration.

I checked in with Cheryl’s family and her condition appeared to be getting better. It seems that she will be spending some time under observation but she was responding well to the anti-depressants that they had prescribed to her. I told her Dad that I would definitely be back in the area the next weekend and would stop by.

Jennifer has been pretty great considering. We had a couple of conversations now and she basically is willing to let me be as involved in the parenting experience as I want to be. She wasn’t looking for any money right now (which was really good as I was pretty much in Dutch with all my creditors and the bank accounts were dwindling fast.

I have a lot of mixed emotions as to what I want out of the near term. My priorities seemed to be pretty clear. I needed to nail down some gainful employment. I needed to come clean with both Jennifer and (more importantly) with Cheryl.

Cheryl’s condition makes that a skittish situation to say the least. I was fearful given the small town environment, that word was going to get to her at some point through some other means. I didn’t want to wait too long but this was definitely going to be a tough subject to broach with her.

I talked over my monetary situation with my landlord and decided the easiest thing to do was to use the balance of my meager savings to break the lease. I couldn’t afford the apartment without a job. I had enough left to buy a storage facility in Danbury and began to plan migrating my belonging to storage until I could get my feet under me again. My sister agreed to let me bunk there for some time beginning the next month.

All that was left was to say goodbye to the few city friends I had. There were several powerful forces that were conspiring to place me back in my hometown area. I was of the mindset to accept this. There were more reasons to go home then there were to stay in the city.

Well - Part XXV

noreply@blogger.com (dynomitepluscap) — Thu, 03 Dec 2009 11:19:00 +0000

Irony.

What a ridiculous mess I’ve made of my life with my actions. It felt, for a time, that I was finally getting my life in order. I had connected with someone. Really connected with someone. I cared for her and her for me. To top that off, this was almost a dream come true as the object of my affection was the first girl I ever remember being attracted to in high school.

I was infatuated with her for years and as my high school years began to fade in my memory, she reappeared in my life and we really did hit it off. I had met her family and had really become a part of her life. She was everything that I thought I was looking for in a woman.

Then… or actually just before then…

I did something that was totally out of character for me. I was in need for some companionship and had fallen into the arms of an angel of mercy for that one night. It was never intended to be anything more than two folks helping each other through a difficult night. I was supposed to be seeing my old high school sweetheart but, instead, I wound up with a sweet girl who took pity on me for that evening. Now, that evening is looking like it will change (did change) both of our lives forever.

I had no argument with Jennifer on wanting to have the baby. I had no idea (we just didn’t get a chance to talk through much of it) what that meant fully. We committed to speak again the next day. We decided to meet for lunch at the mall. A nice casual, non-threatening stage to discuss further what our immediate future plans might/should be.

In the meantime, the love of my life, was attempting to recover from a severe emotional blow with the death of her sibling. She was so disturbed, it appears, that she attempted suicide. Where does that leave me…?

This is beginning to sound like some obscenely protracted soap opera. “As the stomach turns…” Geez.

Just when I thought things couldn’t possibly get any worse, I got the phone call that I was being laid off from my job. I thought I was on rock bottom and someone just shifted some of the rocks.

Well - Part XXIV

noreply@blogger.com (dynomitepluscap) — Tue, 01 Dec 2009 23:26:00 +0000

I finally had to break the mood. “So, Jennifer, how have you been…?”

“Pregnant.”

“Uh huh, I see that… why didn’t you call me?”

“I didn’t have a number.”

“Right.” This was not going to be an easy conversation. I wasn’t even going to ask her if the baby was mine. I’m assuming that would be in really bad form.

“We should talk.” I finally stammered out.

“I’m going on break in about a half hour, you think you can hang around that long…?”

Oh geez, she’s pissed. “Yeah, sure… I’ll be right here.

When we were finally able to get some time to talk, Jennifer had calmed down.

“I’m only upset at myself. At first I couldn’t believe my dumb luck. As time past though, I’ve kind of resolved myself to the task. Things happen for a reason and I think we were supposed to bring this life into the world.”

Hmmm. Not exactly the viewpoint that I was expecting. I was still trying to wrap my head around this turn of events. I was thinking about Jennifer, Cheryl, fatherhood, my future was never more littered with options, problems, and potential for screwing up.

We talked for perhaps a half hour. It seems she had already made up her mind on what she was going to do. I committed to helping (although I didn’t quite know how much help I could be). We didn’t really broach the subject of any kind of ongoing relationship.

I absolutely dreaded the thought of trying to explain any of this to Cheryl.

I came to the Blind Squirrel looking for some solace from the problems that I thought were paramount in my life. I left there with a whole set of new problems and conflicts. None of them appeared to have any kind of viable resolution that could be had without breaking the hearts of someone I cared about.

Well - Part XXIII

jim@jimmcnierney.com (Jim McNierney) — Sun, 29 Nov 2009 13:59:00 +0000

I knew Cheryl was distraught but, I was stunned that she would have been so far gone as to attempt to take her own life. This had to be some kind of accident. Didn’t it?

I pretty much had to take my queues in this from her family. I didn’t have much of a point of reference here. Her family was now a complete emotional mess. They had just buried her brother and now Cheryl, who appeared to be the rock everyone was leaning on through the first loss, had seemingly succumbed to the stress of the recent events.

I learned, after about an hour of waiting, that she was going to be all right (physically). The medical doctors were now taking a back seat to the psychiatrist and social workers that have become part of this “case.” I was wrestling with my own guilt feelings that perhaps I should have seen signs or been more supportive or something.

Her parents were very appreciative of my presence but they had a lot of stuff going on now too. I was going to have to work out whatever I was feeling with on my own.

Despite hanging around for over two and half hours, I never did get in to see her that evening. Her parents eventually were allowed to go in but she was under heavy sedation and all they were really able to do was to hold her hand and sit with her quietly.

I headed back out into the autumn night air and was feeling pretty much like I didn’t want to be alone that evening. I drove around the city for awhile before lighting onto the idea of hitting my old favorite watering hole, the Blind Squirrel.

The place appeared as it always seemed to appear in my mind’s eye but when I went inside, I was almost immediately taken by a change that was all too obvious… and also troubling (to say the least).

My old friend Jennifer was tending bar that evening (which wasn’t surprising) but, what startled me was that her appearance betrayed that she was “with child.” The possibility that she was pregnant with my baby was not lost on me. I did some mental arithmetic and decided it had been about three months since our little one-night tête-à-tête. I was half tempted to turn on my heels and leave but the shock of this revelation left me unable to move either towards the bar or away from it.

With no other recourse but to confront the situation, I walked towards the bar and took a stool in the corner. Jennifer hadn’t seen me yet and I was trying to think of something witty to say, something that might diffuse the situation a little but, when she approached me and the realization wiped across her face, the only thing that came out of my mouth was “could I get a shot of Glenlivet and a Saranac Pale Ale chaser please?”

When she returned to my perch at the bar with my order, there was an incredible amount of uncomfortable silence that hung in the air between us.

Well - Part XXII

noreply@blogger.com (dynomitepluscap) — Fri, 27 Nov 2009 12:25:00 +0000

The next few days were rough to say the least. The powerful combination of hearing about the positive news of the war and the personally tragic events that took Cheryl’s brother’s life caused a powerful combination of emotions within Cheryl’s family.

Her father was angry and made no air to conceal that fact. The circumstances around his son’s death were going to get investigated; he was going to sue every congressman and the president himself to get restitution for the loss of his son’s life. Knowing that his death was accidental and caused by a member of his own unit’s added to this anger and confusion.

There are never any “right words” for these awful situations. No words that would have any magic healing effects can be conjured up. The only thing anyone can do in this kind of circumstances is to be there, be supportive and to listen. This is exactly all I did for the next four days. I actually commuted back and forth from the city to Danbury during the next few working days to be around and to comfort Cheryl.

The memorial service was a typical military honorarium. The family received the folded flag that would be placed on some mantle somewhere. Following the service was the usual gathering of friends and family in a communal meal before all of the attendees were to depart back to their separate lives.

In the weeks that followed the funeral, Cheryl seemed depressed to the point of distraction. I didn’t get the feeling that they were as close as it appears they must have been given her reaction to his death.

I wanted very much to help her and her family but couldn’t find any meaningful way of accomplishing this. About a month later, I got a call from her Dad telling me that Cheryl was in the hospital and that I should probably come up as soon as I could. I was absolutely beside myself with fear at this news. I tried to get some news as to what was going on from her dad but, I got very few details other than that she seemed stable at the moment.

When I arrived at the hospital, some of my questions were answered almost immediately. When I asked at the nurse’s station where her room was, I was told that I couldn’t go in there right now as the psychiatrist was still in there with her and would need at least another half hour before visitors were going to be allowed back in to see her.

Well - Part XXI

noreply@blogger.com (dynomitepluscap) — Wed, 25 Nov 2009 14:37:00 +0000

I arrived in Danbury around 3:30 in the afternoon. I knew Cheryl’s classes wrapped up around that time but it would likely be another hour before she would be returning to her apartment.

My plan (if I truly had one) was to buy some flowers and be waiting in the parking lot of her condominium complex when she returned home. I stopped off at a florist and selected a dozen roses and had them wrapped and sitting on the passenger seat of my car when I pulled into her complex. I figured that I was at least a half hour early but, I wanted to be in position and leave no chance of missing the full effect of my element of surprise.

As fate would have it though, it was I who was surprised.

When I pulled into the area around her building, I noticed that her car was already there. That was odd, I wondered inwardly if she had taken ill and had left early for the day. I figured that I had missed my surprise in the parking lot but, accepted that, scooped up my bouquet of flowers and entered her building almost skipping through the lobby to the elevator.

When I knocked at her door, I was surprised that an older man answered it and stood in the hallway looking quizzically at me standing there flat footed with my flowers in hand.

The man was Cheryl’s dad (I had never met him before) as this was being explained to me, I also met two of Cheryl’s cousins, her great aunt and two uncles. It was then that I heard the news about Cheryl’s brother being killed.

I almost wanted to hide the flowers but, that awkwardness passed. The room was full of nothing by sorrow and despair (her great aunt seemed to want to do nothing more than wail on the couch over and over).

I immediately felt like a cad with my flowers and thoughts of carnal pursuits. Cheryl introduced me as “her boyfriend” (I was an official boyfriend) and an ex-classmate at Danbury High. Her family acknowledged me but obviously had a lot on their minds. I decided quite quickly that it probably would be best if I let them be and I had every intention of doing just that if not for the imploring gaze I received from Cheryl when I mentioned that I vocalized just that.

“Please Jim, stay with me for awhile. I don’t want to be alone.” I didn’t have the heart to point out that she was anything but alone be surrounded by that much family in a relatively small condominium. I was also privately thrilled that she asked me to stay.

I had never known Cheryl’s brother. He was a couple of grades behind us in High School and I rarely traveled outside of my small circle of friends anyway. I felt horrible for Cheryl. The fact that they already knew that he died from “friendly fire” added even more tragedy to this event.

As the evening passed, more family showed up. It seemed Cheryl had what became to be the family headquarters for this tragedy. Just before mid-night, the last of the family left and I offered to Cheryl that we step out for some coffee and a distraction.

Well - Part XX

noreply@blogger.com (dynomitepluscap) — Mon, 23 Nov 2009 15:50:00 +0000

I’m a little slow on the uptake sometimes. It took me nearly a dozen years after graduation to actually approach a woman who I had known nearly all my life and even then, a half dozen dates later, we actually kissed. That night, there was no more waiting.

We spent the night together (I never did call my sister) and in the morning, after awakening and another bout of lovemaking, I never wanted to leave her bedroom. The morning eventually wore on and we reluctantly broke our embrace and rose to face the day.

Cheryl prepared a great breakfast, we chatted some more and then she brought me over to the train station. I didn’t want to leave but our lives were calling. She had schoolwork to grade and I had to get back to the city to prepare for the coming week.

As we moved through these tasks, I felt like I was walking on air. The previous weeks were so wonderfully “out of place” in my normally mundane doldrums of an existence. Life felt like it was done handing me lemons and it was time for some good fortune.

We proceeded with daily calls both in the morning and in the evening. She remained on my mind throughout my days and I literally ached for her embrace during the times we were apart.

That week, I cut a deal with my employer to work late a few nights in exchange for a half day off on Friday. I wanted to surprise Cheryl by coming up early on Friday night. Unlike the previous times that I had planned for the trip north, I didn’t call my sister. I had no intentions of seeing anyone but Cheryl.

When I spoke with her on Thursday night I was bursting at the seams to tell Cheryl that I was coming up the following afternoon but I held off. We talked about what was going on in each other’s jobs, we talked about things that were in the news, new movies coming out and books that we ewre reading or planning on reading. Cheryl being a teacher always was on the look out for new material that she could use within her classroom.

That night our nation’s troops drove the last of the Russian regiment back out of Alaska (and across the Bering Strait). The UN General Council was calling for a cessation of fighting between the two countries and it appeared a cease-fire was eminent.

It was also that night that Cheryl’s brother was killed by friendly fire.

Well - Part XIX

noreply@blogger.com (dynomitepluscap) — Sat, 21 Nov 2009 10:20:00 +0000

The kiss had the effect of killing my story in mid sentence. It also awoke within me a floodgate of feelings. Maybe I was actually suppressing my desire for this woman who was still “protected” by my notion of her being unattainable from our high school years.

It wasn’t a really passionate kiss but it seemed to signal a change in our relationship. I toyed with the notion of changing our destination from the Green Bo Restaurant to my apartment but, squelched that notion internally.

We had a nice meal. We ordered (at my behest) yellow fish with dried seaweed and rice cakes. I continued throughout the meal to try and read in Cheryl’s eyes any clue as to what her expectations were for the remainder of our day together. The original plan was to have her back on the road by 7:00pm to head north out of the city.

I did a mental tour of my apartment and decided that I didn’t really want us to head over there anyway. I decided that perhaps I drive up with her, stay with sister and have them take to a train in Brewster for the trip back to the city. I casually (or as casually as I could muster) brought up this notion and was very encouraged with Cheryl’s positive reaction.

We decided to head back to where her car was parked and go directly north earlier than we had planned. I said that I could call my sister once we got up to Danbury.

The ride north was a blur in my memory. I know that there was a number of conflicting emotions and fears that ruled my thoughts during the two-hour drive. I tried to relax thinking that it was best not to push or have any kind of expectation at all but, that was a foolish notion. I had already envisioned a number of move scene scenarios that had us falling into bed having passionate sex for hours (in various rooms throughout her apartment). I had to keep reminding myself that this was crazy and wanted to continue with our current slow pace for fear of ruining the really comfortable relationship we had.

If this was going to happen, it would happen as an extension of the closeness we had garnered over the previous weeks. I didn’t want to try and force anything despite the fact that since the kiss, I was lusting after this woman more so than I ever lusted after anyone in my life.

When we arrived, Cheryl asked if I wanted any coffee. I really didn’t but it seemed to be a good move to answer in the positive. While she moved into the kitchen area to prepare the brew, I called my sister to inquire about the change in plans. Unfortunately no one was home at her house (which didn’t upset me all that much) so I left a message and hung up.

We settled into the couch with the evening news on the tube. We comically clinked our coffee mugs before setting them down onto the coffee table. We hadn’t touched since our kiss (that Cheryl had instigated) in the cab earlier in the day.

“Cheryl, would you mind terribly if I kissed you right now…?”

“Jim, I’d mind terribly if you didn’t…”

A confession...

jim@jimmcnierney.com (Jim McNierney) — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 11:52:00 +0000

Bless me Father for I have sinned. It’s been approximately 30 years since my last confession.

I have endeavored to live a just life but I’ve not always been faithful to the laws of men or God.

I felt that God and I had a mutual understanding… a sort of “you do your thing, I’ll do mine.” Oh sure, I’ve had those instances where a quick prayer was almost an instinctual reaction but, for the most part, I’ve tried not to do any harm to anyone else

…and to perhaps attempt good when I could.

I have lusted after sins of the flesh. I have sought out material possessions and have not been as charitable as I could have been in my most productive and financially fruitful years.

I don’t know as if I did a stellar job honoring my mother and father.

I’ve pretty much thought of the Sabbath day as an extension of the weekend, a good day for cookouts and football.

Oh, and I’ve taken the name of God in vain a few hundred thousand times…

The other commandments are pretty safe from me though.