“Hi Jim… are you back in town for awhile?”
“No… I’m just visiting…” Again, I probably should have rehearsed or at least thought through some of what I wanted to say. “So, how was your week…?”
“Quiet…pretty much same old same old… You?” She asked.
“The same. Hey I just wanted to thank you for last Saturday. I had a really good time…”
“Oh yes, me too. Umm I don’t want you to think that I do that a lot…”
“Me neither… Actually that was pretty much the only time that anything like that happened for me…” This isn’t even sounding convincing to me… I loathe myself at this point.
“Well, I’ve gotta be getting back to work here… See you around…”
Her comment and posture as she spun on her heels had the semblance of finality.
“Yes… Have a good night, I’m going to be moving along…”
“See ya…”
With my conscience somewhat cleared, I drove out of the parking lot and headed south to White Plains. I checked into a relatively cheap hotel and slipped into a dreamless sleep.
In the morning, I took a walk around the area of my hotel looking for a suitable place for breakfast and perhaps a scan of the Sunday Times. One of my favorite pastimes is to have a leisurely breakfast over the Sunday paper.
I hadn’t really finalized a plan for the evening with Cheryl after the meeting at the steakhouse that was pre-arranged and agreed to. As I went through the paper, I checked out the listings for the local clubs and the movie listings. I decided if the subject came up, I could suggest one of the offerings at the local Cineplex.
I decided to save money and wound up having breakfast at a fast food place about two blocks from the hotel. When I got back to the hotel, I ironed a fresh shirt and showered.
I called Cheryl just to confirm that we were still on and then checked out of the hotel prepared for my date with my first love.
I was still somewhat in awe that we had reconnected after all these years and was very hopeful that this might actually lead to a longer term relationship. I had to at least give this a whirl otherwise I’d always wonder “What if?”
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Monday, November 9, 2009
Well - Part XIV
Well, the rest of the week passed rather uneventfully. I continued to run through my mind the possibility of returning to Danbury the following weekend with the express purpose of hooking back up with Jennifer and “clearing the air” as it pertains to our fling last Saturday night.
I think it is human nature to want to avoid conflict. Therefore I really wanted to just shove the notion of needing to reconnect with Jennifer to assuage guilt feelings aside. The problem was, I couldn’t. My darn guilt feelings kept harkening back to that “morning after” and her being upset that I snuck out (even though it was just to bring back breakfast) and the cuddling we did with the bagels and coffee upon my return.
I thought she was a very nice young woman (with the emphasis on young) but that we truly didn’t have a lot in common. That internal dialog continued through the week and as we entered into Friday of that week, I hit upon the idea of a phone call. The problem there was that I didn’t even get her phone number.
Not able to dispel the notion of needing to talk with Jennifer, I decided that I would drive up to Danbury Friday night, go and see her at work and then head back to our “halfway” meeting place to see Cheryl for Saturday night. I made up my mind that I would just get a hotel rather than face the wrath of my sister. So with all of my plans firmed up I breezed through my work day and even cut out a tad early in order to beat the traffic heading north for the weekend.
The ride up was relatively uneventful and almost too soon, I was standing in the parking lot of the Blind Squirrel staring at the entranceway and wondering if this was all, truly, a good idea. Deciding that I had to see this through, I walked into the bar and glanced around but didn’t see Jennifer (or any bartender) at that point. I took a seat in the corner and decided to wait a bit.
Within five minutes, a male bartender came out from the back and briefly scanned the room. Seeing myself as a newcomer, he proceeded over and took my drink order. I asked him if Jennifer was working this evening. He said she was but she wasn’t coming on duty until 8:00 pm. Looks like I had a about an hour to kill. I resolved to drink slowly.
True to his word, Jennifer arrived in about 45 minutes, she breezed through the bar area and didn’t even see me sitting in the lounge area. She moved to the back room and apparently dispensed with her coat and purse and returned to the bar area within a few minutes. It was then I had that horrible feeling akin to calling someone on the phone without rehearsing what you were really going to say. The only saving grace in this instance is that she still hadn’t taken any notice of me. I even casually considered slipping out without confronting her at all.
When she apparently was “officially” on duty, I approached the bar and caught her eye.
“Hey Jen, how are you?”
The expression on her face seemed to indicate both surprise and embarrassment. Perhaps, she too, was feeling a little awkward about last weekend’s “hookup.”
I think it is human nature to want to avoid conflict. Therefore I really wanted to just shove the notion of needing to reconnect with Jennifer to assuage guilt feelings aside. The problem was, I couldn’t. My darn guilt feelings kept harkening back to that “morning after” and her being upset that I snuck out (even though it was just to bring back breakfast) and the cuddling we did with the bagels and coffee upon my return.
I thought she was a very nice young woman (with the emphasis on young) but that we truly didn’t have a lot in common. That internal dialog continued through the week and as we entered into Friday of that week, I hit upon the idea of a phone call. The problem there was that I didn’t even get her phone number.
Not able to dispel the notion of needing to talk with Jennifer, I decided that I would drive up to Danbury Friday night, go and see her at work and then head back to our “halfway” meeting place to see Cheryl for Saturday night. I made up my mind that I would just get a hotel rather than face the wrath of my sister. So with all of my plans firmed up I breezed through my work day and even cut out a tad early in order to beat the traffic heading north for the weekend.
The ride up was relatively uneventful and almost too soon, I was standing in the parking lot of the Blind Squirrel staring at the entranceway and wondering if this was all, truly, a good idea. Deciding that I had to see this through, I walked into the bar and glanced around but didn’t see Jennifer (or any bartender) at that point. I took a seat in the corner and decided to wait a bit.
Within five minutes, a male bartender came out from the back and briefly scanned the room. Seeing myself as a newcomer, he proceeded over and took my drink order. I asked him if Jennifer was working this evening. He said she was but she wasn’t coming on duty until 8:00 pm. Looks like I had a about an hour to kill. I resolved to drink slowly.
True to his word, Jennifer arrived in about 45 minutes, she breezed through the bar area and didn’t even see me sitting in the lounge area. She moved to the back room and apparently dispensed with her coat and purse and returned to the bar area within a few minutes. It was then I had that horrible feeling akin to calling someone on the phone without rehearsing what you were really going to say. The only saving grace in this instance is that she still hadn’t taken any notice of me. I even casually considered slipping out without confronting her at all.
When she apparently was “officially” on duty, I approached the bar and caught her eye.
“Hey Jen, how are you?”
The expression on her face seemed to indicate both surprise and embarrassment. Perhaps, she too, was feeling a little awkward about last weekend’s “hookup.”
Saturday, November 7, 2009
Well - Part XIII
Cheryl told me then that she was still really upset about the uncertainty of the fate of her brother but was also very apologetic about not being able to get together when I was up in town this past weekend. I told her that I too, was disappointed but certainly understood given the circumstances.
She explained that she still hadn’t heard anything (regarding her brother) and that this was a constant worry for her. There wasn’t much to say on that topic for me. I assured her that if she needed to talk, she could call me anytime (and I sincerely hoped she would).
We tentatively set a date for next weekend to meet at a location half-way between the city and Danbury (neutral territory). I was very pleased with that turn of events. Unfortunately, the conversation then got onto “What did you wind up doing that night when you were in town after she cancelled the date?”
I didn’t have a lot of time to consider a response. The flood of events started streaming in my mind; the bar, the conversations with Jennifer and then of course the overnight with her. A feeling of dread an embarrassment came over me and I prayed that that sentiment wasn’t somehow going to be conveyed with my subsequent response.
“Oh, not much (I hated to lie to her at this very early stage of what I hoped would become a longer term relationship… but that is exactly what I then heard myself do) I went out and got something to eat and then just returned to my sister’s house. We caught up on family news and the like.”
The conversation petered out and I proceeded down to the platform and my commute back to the apartment.
While riding in the train, my thoughts strayed to Jennifer. I’m sure she recognized that our fling that evening was really just a good time and no emotional attachment but, her desire to “cuddle” the following the morning might have belied this notion.
I have a real problem with dealing with guilt feelings and I had an inkling that these particular guilt feelings involving Jennifer were really something I was going to have to resolve if I had any hopes of moving on with Cheryl. I considered calling Cheryl back and asking if we could move the date back to Danbury so that I could potentially try to reconnect with Jennifer just to bring closure to that relationship. I decided to do just that even though that meant that I was going to have to call my sister back and arrange for crashing there again. I was hoping that would result in a few more questions. I don’t think she was too keen on my behavior during last weekend’s visit.
She explained that she still hadn’t heard anything (regarding her brother) and that this was a constant worry for her. There wasn’t much to say on that topic for me. I assured her that if she needed to talk, she could call me anytime (and I sincerely hoped she would).
We tentatively set a date for next weekend to meet at a location half-way between the city and Danbury (neutral territory). I was very pleased with that turn of events. Unfortunately, the conversation then got onto “What did you wind up doing that night when you were in town after she cancelled the date?”
I didn’t have a lot of time to consider a response. The flood of events started streaming in my mind; the bar, the conversations with Jennifer and then of course the overnight with her. A feeling of dread an embarrassment came over me and I prayed that that sentiment wasn’t somehow going to be conveyed with my subsequent response.
“Oh, not much (I hated to lie to her at this very early stage of what I hoped would become a longer term relationship… but that is exactly what I then heard myself do) I went out and got something to eat and then just returned to my sister’s house. We caught up on family news and the like.”
The conversation petered out and I proceeded down to the platform and my commute back to the apartment.
While riding in the train, my thoughts strayed to Jennifer. I’m sure she recognized that our fling that evening was really just a good time and no emotional attachment but, her desire to “cuddle” the following the morning might have belied this notion.
I have a real problem with dealing with guilt feelings and I had an inkling that these particular guilt feelings involving Jennifer were really something I was going to have to resolve if I had any hopes of moving on with Cheryl. I considered calling Cheryl back and asking if we could move the date back to Danbury so that I could potentially try to reconnect with Jennifer just to bring closure to that relationship. I decided to do just that even though that meant that I was going to have to call my sister back and arrange for crashing there again. I was hoping that would result in a few more questions. I don’t think she was too keen on my behavior during last weekend’s visit.
Thursday, November 5, 2009
Well - Part XII
I stayed with Jennifer that morning until she had to get ready to go back into work. I had to get my act together and head on back towards the city. I called my sister and got my lecture (I think she’s taken over for Mom now in being one of my primary sources of guilt). I returned to my sister’s house to pick up my things and then headed south to “hearth and home.”
My thoughts almost immediately strayed to Cheryl as I drove down the major interstate south. I was very disappointed that circumstances ran afoul of my opportunity to perhaps have my first real date with perhaps my first real love. I also was a tad embarrassed that I had sought out and actually consummated a “one night stand” with Jennifer. I wasn’t particularly proud of those actions but I couldn’t deny that it was something I surely was seeking that lonely night.
Last time I attempted to take a dip in the dating pool…back in the Pleistocene era, things seemed to be simpler. Now, there are more dangers. STDs can actually be fatal in this day and age. Beyond that there is so much technology involved in the dating scene. You can meet via the Internet, in a chat room, through some paid service that will assess compatibility characteristics. Meeting in a bar was almost passé anymore. Developing any kind of “opening line” strategy has now become embedded into programs and documented into any number of self-help books that could possibly fill several library shelves.
I think I have become the dinosaur here.
What ever happened to the enthusiastic, idealistic romantic that I was back in my high school days? Maybe the answer was that people never really do change and I wasn’t really as idealistic or a romantic as my memory seemed to suggest.
When I got back to my apartment on that Sunday night I took some time to actually clean up. Housework wasn’t something that I paid much attention to but it seemed like the thing to do in this instance. I might have been wanting for a distraction to take my mind off the being alone again in the city with nothing much going for me.
The workweek began with the usual pomp and circumstance. I went through “my morning routine” with all the relish of prisoner on death row taking the last mile walk. The workday was filled with no real challenges therefore no real problems and no real satisfaction that I had actually accomplished much when I punched out and was walking back to my subway stop. Before I actually started down the stairs to the platform for the ride back to my neighborhood, my cell phone rang.
The number wasn’t coming up with any hits in my contact list so I didn’t really know who was calling. I clicked the phone open and said: “Hello” in a resigned tone of voice. I wasn’t sure who would be on the other end so I was more than a tad surprised when I heard Cheryl’s voice.
"Hey Jim, how's it going?"
My thoughts almost immediately strayed to Cheryl as I drove down the major interstate south. I was very disappointed that circumstances ran afoul of my opportunity to perhaps have my first real date with perhaps my first real love. I also was a tad embarrassed that I had sought out and actually consummated a “one night stand” with Jennifer. I wasn’t particularly proud of those actions but I couldn’t deny that it was something I surely was seeking that lonely night.
Last time I attempted to take a dip in the dating pool…back in the Pleistocene era, things seemed to be simpler. Now, there are more dangers. STDs can actually be fatal in this day and age. Beyond that there is so much technology involved in the dating scene. You can meet via the Internet, in a chat room, through some paid service that will assess compatibility characteristics. Meeting in a bar was almost passé anymore. Developing any kind of “opening line” strategy has now become embedded into programs and documented into any number of self-help books that could possibly fill several library shelves.
I think I have become the dinosaur here.
What ever happened to the enthusiastic, idealistic romantic that I was back in my high school days? Maybe the answer was that people never really do change and I wasn’t really as idealistic or a romantic as my memory seemed to suggest.
When I got back to my apartment on that Sunday night I took some time to actually clean up. Housework wasn’t something that I paid much attention to but it seemed like the thing to do in this instance. I might have been wanting for a distraction to take my mind off the being alone again in the city with nothing much going for me.
The workweek began with the usual pomp and circumstance. I went through “my morning routine” with all the relish of prisoner on death row taking the last mile walk. The workday was filled with no real challenges therefore no real problems and no real satisfaction that I had actually accomplished much when I punched out and was walking back to my subway stop. Before I actually started down the stairs to the platform for the ride back to my neighborhood, my cell phone rang.
The number wasn’t coming up with any hits in my contact list so I didn’t really know who was calling. I clicked the phone open and said: “Hello” in a resigned tone of voice. I wasn’t sure who would be on the other end so I was more than a tad surprised when I heard Cheryl’s voice.
"Hey Jim, how's it going?"
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